Hahahahaha, What was I thinking??

So I thought it would be nice to look at the list I made of things to do in 2013. Um, yeah. Nope, most of those things are NOT happening. Let's take a look at that list. Now let's dissect that list.
Savings. Yup, too much stuff popped up unexpectedly and that did not happen.
Massage. Yeah right.
5 things with sewing machine. That one still has potential. However there isn't really a spot that's effective for using my sewing machine so who knows.
Lost 35 lbs. Hmmm, Yeah, I don't even know if I'm remotely close to that and I don't remember what I started at.
Teach L. That one also still has potential.
Tattoo in honor of kids. Nope, not happening. Was supposed to happen, but then didn't.
Movies in theaters. Yeah right. I'd have to have a babysitter for that.
Water? Uh, I don't even remember what water tastes like.
ONE caffeinated beverage? Try three or four. Coffee is my friend.
Go somewhere we've never been. Again, yeah right. We'd need a babysitter.
5 Photo Jobs? I would have to have friends who wants pictures for that to happen.
3 photo shoots of my children. Now that S is in school that's next to impossible.
Paint the kids' room? No. Monster S does that for me with her markers.
$500 of my own income? Doing what? Standing on the corner? Yeah right.

So I have realized that I had some very unrealistic goals on my list. Most of which were probably put on that list because of whatever we had going on in our life at the time. And since most of whatever we had going is probably not happening anymore, or has been resolved, I think it's safe to say that this list is null and void. I mean, what exactly WAS I thinking when I wrote this bull?

Time to start a list for next year. Maybe I'll have the common sense to realize that I need more rational and probable goals.

Looking back on Today.

Do I already have a post with this title? I suppose anything is possible, but I'm pretty confident that this post is not the same as the other. This post is a List It! The best moments of my life so far. Keep in mind that at this point in my life, I am a 24yr old wife and mother of three. You'd think my list wouldn't be that amazing, but to me it is. So here it is friends, the most awesome moments of my life, in no particular order.

1) October 27th, 2007. I became a wife. Apparently, I almost rubbed the skin right off of Husband's hand  because I was holding his hand so tight during out vows. If I remember correctly, I was also suffering from some pretty crazy off and on nausea. Whether that was from being 1.5months pregnant or from "becoming a wife" I have no recollection. But I do recall that it was a good day. Most distinct memory: We danced. Danced and danced at our reception. My hair was long, my dress was beautiful, and Husband handsome. Looking back we were so young, and had no idea what was coming.

2) June 6th, 2008. I became a mother. In a half empty hospital with all our family waiting outside I gave birth to a 7lb beautiful baby girl. She is my number 1 girl, mini me, and sassy sidekick.

3) December 6th, 2009. I became superwoman. Beautiful baby girl number 2 was born, just 18mon after her sister, introducing me to the REAL meaning of no sleep.  Hard to believe that this bundle of adorable, chilled out, crazy girl is mine. One grin melts me, and in the very next minute gets her out of trouble.

4) After a rough patch in our marriage, Husband and I went from practically separated to exploding back together. Most awesome moment of it all? Quitting my job to stay home again, re-learning how to be a wife, and the knowledge that we can overcome Any. Thing. Thrown. At. Us.

5)October 26th, 2012. After an amazing all natural delivery, I became a mother to a son. A beautiful, chubby, problematic, mama's boy. Mine all mine, and looks just like his Daddy. Absolutely perfect.

6) Each time my children learned to say Mama. Three equivalent moments that broke my heart in half and put it back together simultaneously.

7) Becoming the owner of a minivan. Be jealous, suckers. This bad boy seats 7, and has room for days.

8)My blog made it to the first page on Google search results under the search tag "Crazy little thing called life blog"

9) The day Monster L made the "k" "kah" sound for the first time. It was like hearing her say a word for the first time, and I cried. She's so amazing.

10) When Husband and I got married, his oldest nephew and niece just called me Kerry. The first time they called me "Aunt Kerry" was one of the coolest moments of my life. I had never had a "title" before, I was never anything more than Kerry. Becoming "Aunt Kerry" gave my life a meaning it hadn't previously had. Almost as cool as being a mother.

11) Being pregnant at the same time as my sister in law, and all time best friend. The birth of my nephew, Michael was one of the most special births to me, other than my own. We're connected him and I.

12) My second mission trip to Poland, when I was blessed with the priviledge of helping teach at a vacation bible school. Not many teenagers can say they've done that.

13) Learning to play Rummy. Has since been the cause of many fun nights with amazing friends.

There you have it friends, some of my most awesome moments to date. With a lifetime of moments left to happen, I'm sure this list will change and grow. Stay tuned for more to come.

I am a mother.

Friends, I am having a bit of a moment, so bear with me. My mind is blown at the level of stupidity that exists in some people. The level of daring. The level of cocky self absorption. I do not understand how some people exist without realizing that they are doing something very dumb and very dangerous. 

Could you imagine someone telling you, "Hey, I think I'm going to walk in front of that oncoming bus, see if it hits me, and see if I get hurt as a result?" Your first response would (or rather SHOULD) be, "Why would you do something SO stupid? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?"

The answer would probably be that they have. Because only an entirely insane person would think it rational to do something so illogical. They'd have to be crazy. They'd have to be a little brave. They would have to be a little cocky.

Such people do exist friends. No, no, I've never had anybody tell me they are going to walk out in front of an oncoming bus. That's just ludicrous. However, I have encountered a situation where someone thinks that they can poke a mama bear's cub, and expect to not get hurt. Someone(s) who think that a mother, or a father, could not cause some significant damage if and when their child is threatened. Or hurt. Or slandered. Or rejected. Or even just plain and simple, not acknowledged. I dare you friends, to find one parent out there who would not go to hell and back for their child should any such situation occur with them. Even if it was from people who are supposed to be family. 

This is not a lighthearted blog post. A witty adventure into the world of parenting. This is a hard core legitimate warning. To those of you who are not parents and have never encountered such a situation, be wary of anything that could put you in the precarious situation of facing a mama or papa bear. Be wary of your words about a parent's child. Be wary of your actions towards a baby who is protected by love. Becaused if you screw with my child, you screw with a much more dangerous entity, and that is me. 

LET ME catch you saying something about my child. LET ME come head to head with you, and the way you are acting. 

Because I do not care how big and badass you think you are. 

I will win. 

Because I am a mother.

App addiction!

Ok friends. We're trying something new today. A.k.a the Blogger app. Now I've never used the Blogger app, or, well any apps for that matter. But today I decided to download two new ones(no, I did not Install candy crush.) One being the Blogger and the second is a camera app.
It. Is. Amazeballs. The camera app that is. I'll let you know how this one goes. I will be the first to admit (I'm actually ashamed to do so) that I like it best for its filter features that hide all those pesky things called imperfections.  Now, my heart will always belong to my D-SLR but since I don't have the upper arm strength to hold that bad boy up for a selfie, this will have to do. And yes, I did just say "selfie". What can I say? I am a pop culture follower just like the rest of you.
I'm also startr to feel more confident "post-baby" so I have no problem.sharing these pictures with you. Hell, they make me look way prettier than I actually am AND I can pretend this post is an advertising scheme for the app, while showing off my big baby blues. And yes, my eyes are that pretty. I'm not cocky per say, they are just the only part of me I truly love.
Guess I should tell you the name of the app huh? It's called Cymera, for those of you who will become devoted to it's delightful-ness.

P.s. the Blogger app is pretty good. 

The Evolution of the Thoughts in My Brain

So I was on the phone with my sister in law (aka the only friend I actually have and talk to every day), and I kept saying over and over, "B, I just can't take it. I can't take my children crying for one more second or I might physically pull every last strand of my own hair out. JUST so I can do something fun!" and she was right there with me. Except, her kids were already off to school so in reality, what she couldn't take was listening to her dog whine. Hey, same thing right? Kids, dogs, they both have to be trained, and most of the time neither one actually shuts up. So here we were both ready to inflict torture upon ourselves just so we knew we hadn't died of bleeding ears, and I thought to myself, "I could make a blog post out of this." If you saw my previous post, you might have also seen my idea list. A few that were birthed out of the lustful desire for peace and quiet were as follows:

What to do When Your Child Won't Stop Throwing Fits- Now as much as I would love to write all about this, that post would be more along the lines of "Hey if anyone knows how the hell to shut my kids up, let me know!". So I decided now Might Not be the time for that particular post. I'd rather it be a little more verbose.

If I Had Free Time-Let's face it, I can sum this one up in one word. Sleep. Because I have demon children. Monsters who really do belong to Husband and I, because 1)They hardly sleep (Husband's trait) and 2) When they are awake they won't shut up (Mine). So if I could do just one thing with my free time, it would be sleep. If you put a gun to my head and said I had to make a whole list, it would turn into another blog post, and you can find it HERE.

How to Tell You Need a Break- This one sounds like it's going to involve listing off qualities of just about every parent in the world. That might take awhile. Or maybe not. We'll see if I ever get a break to actually sit down and write it out.

How to Keep a Bitch-fest From Going Wrong- Now see, at first this one started off with "Maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much about how my kids aren't listening" because then it might start to sound like I don't like my job of mothering my lovely little angels. But then, I saw this post going a different way. Because while Bitch-fests usually start off with one subject, they always lead to dangerous territory-Husbands (or significant others, for those of you still in the dating or not married stages).  Now THAT is a post I am going to write, because nothing grates my cheese more than Husband/SO Bashing. This could be because the man I married is damn near perfect, or it could just be because I hate disrespectful women. What's worse is that other women encourage it or instigate it. Which led me to:

10 Things Not to Say About a Friend's Significant Other

                                   AND

Why Women Don't Make Good Friends.

I don't think I really need to elaborate more on these right now, or I'll ruin the juicy anticipation of posts to come. 

So you see how my brain works? I start off thinking about posts about my children, and then I'm thinking about why women sucks sometimes, and then I'm thinking about my perfect husband, and then I'm thinking "Screw this, I'm gonna go call my man instead of writing all this crazy stuff."

If I Had Free Time- A List.

If I had free time (let's face it I'm a mother, so this is something I usually only dream about) I would mostly just want to sleep. I never feel like I get enough and I usually want more than what I get. But I realized that sleep couldn't consume every moment of free time (if I had any) because there are a lot of things I would do if I didn't have my children with me all the time.

1)Get a manicure. Ok, this is cliche I know. However, I cannot even remember the last time I had my nails done, and they actually stayed pretty for more than 30 minutes. So I would like, just once, to get a manicure that lasts. Does such a thing exist? Probably not, but a girl can dream.

2) Read a book, WITHOUT being interrupted. Two nights ago I started reading a book that I bought recently, and I was ready to read. I wanted to finish a good book full through because I hadn't done that in awhile. So after then kids went to bed, and Husband was winding down doing whatever it is he does to relax (YouTube, Xbox, whatever), I picked up my book and started to read. Now, I was only reading for about ten minutes before I fell asleep so obviously sleep was more necessary. But the next day, I just wanted to keep reading. Without hearing "Maaaaaaaaama, come wipe my buuu-uuuuutt" and "I hungwee, and I tersty". Without having to put it down to feed a baby. Without re-reading the same paragraph five freaking times before I actually knew what it said. One day. Maybe when all my kids are in school full time.

3) Eat a whole meal. Not reheated leftovers, not rolled up sandwich meat, not scraps off my kids' plates. I would eat a three course (salad, dinner, dessert) meal without being interrupted, or having to refill someone else's plate. Without having to get up and grab a towel because someone spilled milk/juice/water across the table and my food. And I would eat steak. Or ribs. Or something that is not chicken nuggets, or pizza, or mac'n'cheese. 

4) Catch up on all the laundry. Now, I am not sure if this counts as a "free time" activity, but I would love to be able to go to a laundry mat and just get all my laundry done, with no kids to mess up my folded piles, or pull shirts off of hangers, or to insist that they have to "help" mommy. Really. Laundry sounds soothing when there's no kids involved.

5) Take a two hour long bubble bath. Really. A bubble bath without little knocks on the doors, and "I have to go potty"s sounds awesome. Maybe I can try that when I actually get to finish a book full through. 

6) Listen to MY music. I have a thing about my music. I don't mind the unedited songs, as long as my kids aren't around. And I might have to admit to you that I love the song "Porn Star Dancing" but again, it's not really child friendly. I want to be able to drive around in Husband's car blasting all my favorite adult only songs, jamming and singing at the top of my lungs. It's a secret pleasure of mine, and I never get to indulge in it. I can't very well have my kids singing "Animals" by Nickelback, even if they don't know what it means. 

7) Watch t.v. For the love of all thing holy, I want to watch a movie without hitting pause. I don't think I really need to elaborate on that one.

8) Go shopping. Have you ever gone shopping with 3 kids, 5 and under by yourself in a department store? It doesn't freaking work. Let me just tell you right now, it is not worth it, it will never be worth it, and you can't make me do it. Which means I miss out on a lot of leisurely shopping. Give me a day, a couple hundred dollars, and no kids, and I bet I'd come home a whole new woman. (No really, I'd probably come home looking different so that the kids wouldn't recognize me...)

9) Have a date with my hubby. I mean really. I cannot remember the last time I was by myself with Husband. Because even if we don't have the girls, we surely have the boy. Never fails. Actually, it doesn't seem like there is much of an end in sight with that one. Le sigh.

10) Catch up on my gossip. I would read trashy magazines, talk to my mommy friends, find out the latest about what is going on in the world around me. Because I haven't done that in who knows how long. I need a bitch fest.

And this concludes the list of what I would do if I had free time. Which I don't, so really, this is a list of my top ten time wasting fantasies.

Why I suck at blogging.

Friends, I must admit to you that I have been lying to you. I am never going to keep up with this blog the way that I want to, no matter how many times I tell you "I'm back, this time for real!". It's just not accurate anymore. Because no matter how hard I try, every time I sit at this desk and think "This is it, now I'm feeling it.", something interrupts me (*cough* my obnoxious children *cough*) or I get distracted by something that needs to be cleaned (i.e. the fingerprint smudges on the window in front of me, Dear God when did I last wipe that thing down???) or I sit and stare at my screen trying to think of something witty and clever to write, and instead it ends up being a freaking novel about everything going on in my life. Which, is, after all, pretty awesome because Hello, it's my life. But there are only so many times I can begin my dive back into writing with updates about what my Monsters are doing these days. Let's face it, real talk, I cannot focus on anything other than what my kids are doing 24/7. 

The list that shall never be.

Which has led me to a fairly depressing realization. I do not exist outside of my children, outside of my motherly duties. I don't remember if I am actually a productive member of society, or if I'm just faking it so you'll think there's something deeper and more meaningful about me than the stain on my shirt caused by the baby throwing his spoon at me. I'm here to tell you, there isn't much else to me. I cook (sometimes), I clean (or try to), and I haul my children around from activity to activity (read, drag them with me while I run errands). 

I made of list of ideas for blog posts. What can I write about that is inspiring and thought provoking? Here's my list:

Doesn't it look great? It looks like I was on a roll with ideas and everything. Well, here's the reality of it. That list is going to sit there, and probably never turn into anything. You know what my problem is? I want to write all of these posts right this second and then publish them all for you to read right now. But then what will I do next week when I'm staring out my grubby window, watching a squirrel jumping around my yard instead of writing?

Perhaps I'll be able to resist the temptation of multiple post publishing, and I can do it in intervals. But then I'd still feel like a liar, because you might think I'm devoting more time to this than I am. Or that I've somehow got my groove back, when in reality I just don't feel like cleaning today and I'm procrastinating by writing. 

We shall see friends. Be on the look out, maybe I might have some follow through today. Be warned though, if my writing is anything like my parenting, I suck at follow through. Ask my 3 year old who is watching yet another Elmo movie, because Mommy didn't want to listen to her throw a fit after I said no 5 times.

You might be a parent if....

After a couple of days of frantic cleaning and laundry and some schedule adjusting that isn't going so well, I had a new post strike my brain. You might be a parent if any of these things have happened to you.

You might be a parent if when walking through your house you realize that should the toys ever come alive you are outnumbered by hundreds.

You might be a parent if you have uttered (read yelled/shouted/freaked out with) the words "Don't do that!" at least fifty times in one day.

You might be a parent if you have had an internal debate on whether or not anyone will notice that you are wearing the same yoga pants from two days ago.

You might be a parent if you can identify the smell of rotten milk coming from under a seat in your minivan before anyone else. (Now, I should mention that credit of this discovery goes to Husband, where as both myself AND my super nosed sister in law could not find the source of the rank smell.)

You might be a parent if your first fight of the day with your child is over the clothes she wore yesterday, and whether or not she can wear them again today.

You might be a parent if you wore sweatpants to Walmart at 11:30 p.m. upon discovering that there was no cereal for breakfast in the morning.

You might be a parent if you get more excited about a new Disney movie than your child, because you know it can used as bribery in the future.

You might be a parent if 8p.m. feels late.

You might be a parent if you get excited because Husband tells you he washed a couple of pairs of your sweatpants so you'd have clean clothes for the next two weeks.

You might be a parent if you know the theme song to one of the following: Phineas and Ferb, Bob the Builder, SuperWhy, Go, Diego, Go!, or Little Einsteins.

You might be a parent if you have ever woken up to a foot in your face.

You might be a parent if you were completely comfortable laying a towel down on the bed after the third spit up incident in the middle of the night.

You might be a parent if you have held a lengthy conversation about poop with another adult. 

You might be a parent if you say you have to go potty instead of go to the bathroom. At work. To your co-workers.

You might be a parent if you have blindly swatted at the backseat not caring which child you made contact with.

You might be a parent if you understand nonsense gibberish and made up words without having to think about what your child just said.

You might be a parent if you have had macaroni and cheese with hot dogs more than twice in one week. 

You might be a parent if you have had macaroni and cheese with hot dogs more than twice in one DAY.

You might be a parent if philosophical conversations are about where Max and Ruby's parents are, and why Calliou is such a whiny little shit.

You might be a parent if you know who Max and Ruby and Calliou are.

You might be a parent if you are no longer afraid at the mystery food in the bottom of the sink.

You might be a parent if said mystery food gets scooped out by hand.

You might be a parent if you hear a crying baby when no one else does. From across the house. And down the stairs. 

You might be a parent if  every single funny parenting meme has happened to you or applies to you in some way.

You might be a parent if your main source of entertainment is those parenting memes because you don't really have time to sit down and entertain yourself any other way.

You might be a parent if you have had one or some or all of this list happen to you at least once. 

Have a great day friends, and remember You Are Not Alone :D

In the blink of an eye.

Well friends, it has happened. As of today, I am a mother to a school aged child. It happened out of nowhere, like a quick jab to the gut that you know is coming but you still aren't prepared for. Five years ago it was hard for me to even imagine being a mother, let alone a mother to a child in SCHOOL. It is an intense feeling that kind of makes me want to freeze the clocks and just step back to take a deep breath. 

The other day I was sitting outside with Husband just watching the kids play and Monster S was swinging a little too high for Monster Mama's comfort. By a little too high I mean that I actually turned to Husband and said "What do you think? I think we're about to have our first broken bone if she adjusts herself even a little bit on that seat.". It was a panic inducing moment that made me want to run (and by run walk quickly because running still makes me winded) and snatch her off the swing and pull her to safety. But the reality of it was, SHE was comfortable with her ability to keep swinging, and I was just hovering. Ok, maybe I wasn't hovering persay, because I was sitting a ways away in a lawn chair. But I WAS panicking. For no reason. Monster S was soaring and shouting out to me, "Look Mommy I'm flying in the sky!" and I was too busy focusing on what could happen than on what was happening. My five year old was swinging 

All. By. Herself. And she wasn't scared a bit. 

So here I am wondering where the hell the time went, and she is just roaring along completely confident and ready to go. And I have to let her, because how else will she ever feel secure in her abilities? It's a sad, almost heartbreaking moment to know that she doesn't need me as much as she used to. Although she has told me once or twice that she loves spending time with me and wants to stay home with me (little snot, pouring salt right on mommy's broken heart) but in all actuality, she is SO ready to be in school and I am ready for her to be there. I know she is going to blossom into a wonderful tiny human, learning all sorts of new things. But it is an adjustment to know that I won't be the one teaching her everything now. I have to trust someone else to mold her little mind into a mature, and responsible big girl. That is never easy friends. If you have kids, I'm sure you understand, and if you don't...well, let's just say it's like telling someone you're going to cut out your heart and trust them to keep it beating until you get back to pick it up. That's kind of what it feels like knowing someone else will be responsible for my little girl. 

But we'll be ok, because obviously parents and children everywhere do this every day.

In other news, Monster L and Monster D are growing like weeds as well, both becoming more independent as each day passes. Monster L is (I think) looking forward to some "one on one" time with Mama, because more often than not Monster S and MOnster D are always getting into something. My poor sweet middle child won't know quite what to do with herself when her big sister isn't here to play with, but luckily she likes playing with her baby brother. 

Monster L had her three year checkup the other day, and we've decided that it is time to do a speech therapy evaluation. Now that it has been officially determined that I'm pretty much one of the only ones who understands a single word that comes out of that crazy girl's mouth, well, here we are. Hopefully we'll have an appointment date soon, and hopefully it won't conflict with Monster D's appointment in September with an allergist. Because yes, we're officially to that point as well. Yep, you can go ahead and buy me a big bottle of wine for my birthday, friends, because I'm going to need it. 

It has been a fairly intense month around here. Between trying to keep up with friends and family, doctors appointments like crazy, the start of school activities, and Husband working himself to an early grave, I don't have much time leftover in my days. I've reached a point of social seclusion that I haven't experienced in over a year. I feel like a lot of my friendships with the women who have been my support for so long are suffering due to my inability to sit down for more than five minutes at a time to catch up with them. I'm pretty sure a lot of them are pissed at me for it. I am shocked that I have even progressed this far with this blog post, as every time I've sat down to write recently it has ended up being saved as a draft never to be touched again. I think I might even be losing weight just because I hardly even have time to eat properly these days. That's normal though right? Doesn't every mom experience the joy of sitting down to take a bite, only for that bite to be left uneaten on her plate because somebody needs juice/food/butt wiped/help down off the counter that they climbed on while mommy's back was turned? Maybe it's just me. Fingers crossed that when school is in full swing I might have a little bit of time to breathe. 

Now if only some of that busy ridiculous time could be spent folding and putting away my laundry I might not feel like such a crazy person. 

Ah well, such is the life a harried, frazzled, can't even wash my hair, stay at home mom. It's a crazy life these days. Here's to hoping that I can adjust, before someone has to haul me off to the loony bin.

On second thought, maybe there I'd at least get some quiet time.....

You might have noticed.

You might have noticed a new little widget to the right of my posts. It's a new addition called Top Mommy Blogs. You can click it to help my ranking go up, and promote my blog a little bit. It would be much appreciated, as I am striving to make this blog a little bigger than it was before!
Thanks in advance friends :)

The things that consume us.

Have you ever sat back and thought, "Why don't I ever have any free time?" or "Why can't I just get stuff done??". 

I have these thoughts almost daily. I think to myself, why can't I keep things picked up? Why is my laundry NEVER caught up? Why does it feel like my kids are hungry even though I swear they JUST ATE?

Because I have been consumed. For too long, at that. Consumed by things that should be simple and easy to walk away from. 

Of course, you know friends, I am talking about the internet.

Ah the internet. The ultimate time killer. The thief of time. The black hole of time waste. I could go on and on and on. But I won't because it's not beneficial.

Once upon a time I kept up with my blog because it was something that I loved. I always had some new thought provoking subject to write about. I  could be inspired by things that I talked about with my friends. But lately I have been sucked away from a lot of things, because I am consumed. For the first day in a lot of days, I didn't wake up and check my FB/email/mommyboard. For the first day in a lot of days, I did not have an urgent sense of need to see what everyone was up to. For the first day in A LOT of days, I didn't care if anyone noticed that I wasn't there. 

So after feeling like I was sucked in harder than the dirt in the vacuum, I've decided that instead of mindlessly drifting around the interwebz, I am going to try to break an ingrained habit. I am going to try to not be consumed by mindless time wasting. I am getting serious again about things here at home. 

I'm even taking a break from Pinterest. *GASP*

I know. Don't be sad friends, I'll still be here, hopefully amusing you with my words about my crazy thing called life.

Like shoveling snow during a blizzard.

Just now, Monster S came up to me and said "Mommy, here's the deal, we need to turn on some music and get to cleaning". Which is a sure-fire sign that we spend a lot of time picking up around here. In reality though, what happens goes a little something like this:

I came across this little toon on my Facebook the other day, and how devastatingly true it is! Cleaning with your children is almost worse than not cleaning at all. 

You Might Need to Clean Your Kids' Room....

A new installment here on my blog is a little something called You Might Need to Clean Your Kids' Room. Inspired by the delightful hit series of jokes, You Might Be a Redneck, here are my list of ways to tell if you need to clean your kids' room. Feel free to add your own in the comment section!

• You might need to clean your kids' room if you have 3 children, but can only find 2.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if when you walk through your house, you hear faint cries for help coming from down the hall.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if Scholastic calls, and asks to photograph the room for the new edition of ISpy.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you don't need to stand on a ladder to install the new ceiling fan.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if instead, you use rock climbing gear to get to the ceiling.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you could have sworn you once had bunk beds somewhere in there.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if it looks like Ke$ha just left.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you thought there were ten kids over for a sleepover, but only seven leave.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you black lab goes missing, but never left the house.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if YOU are more scared of the walking in the dark than you children are.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you can't explain the injuries to the doctors anymore.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you need a tetanus shot after walking barefoot across the floor.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if your hardwood flooring has become as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you find new decorative houseplants growing in the corner out of your daughter's favorite cup.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if the toys look like they are reaching for help from underneath the bed.
• You might need to clean your kids' room if you CHILD actually starts cleaning the room by themselves.

I just don't feel it.

I have been trying really hard to get back into blogging. I keep thinking of ideas, and then I never put them into action. I don't feel as connected with my blog as I used to. I want to spice it up, but I am having a hard time with that. Mostly I think I don't like the name of it anymore.  Crazy Little Thing Called Life was the first thing that popped into my head a year or two ago, without much thought put into it, and this blog was born. But that is a fairly common name with no real heartfelt connection on my behalf. I've been brainstorming today and I have a few names that I like. I'd love to hear what you all think!

Five's A Family.- obviously because there are five of us in this crazy family!

Toppings on the Carpet-SAHMs you know what I'm talking about! (This one is thanks to a friend of mine who thought she was just being silly. I kind of like it a lot....)

The Monster House. Cause my kids, they are monsters.

BahamasandMamas. Cause Mamas need a laugh.

Tell me friends. What do you think? What name inspires you to want to stick around? Cause right now, I'm feeling blue about my lack of progress with what used to be my sanctuary. :(



UPDATE: Just kidding friends, I've decided to keep the name. Perhaps I'm just in a funk, but I am working towards making this blog better than ever. Is that possible, I'm not sure. I'm already pretty awesome ;)

From the front porch looking in.

I've come to the realization that sometimes I just can't keep up with this blog. Summer seems to be one of those times. Not much happens outside of  a lot of adventures at the pool, and outside. Ok, who am I kidding, we stay inside a lot too, cause it's bloody hot out there. Plus, the boy just wants to crawl, and I haven't ventured to put him in the grass yet. I'm kind of nervous that we'll have to add that to his list of allergens. 

I've missed you all, friends. In a roundabout way it's weird not to post and write and talk to all of you, even though I don't even realize when or where you're reading this blog. Half the time I don't even know what all of you think about it. But that's ok, I know you're reading. The proof is in the numbers, and that is good enough for me. 

Have you ever heard the song, My Front Porch Looking In?  That is my life right now friends.  I am so in love with my life right now, and I have so many reasons to feel that way. 

My kids are so big. I realized that this morning, looking at all of them sitting in the boy's room just watching the girls play with baby brother, all of them with Little People in hand. The girls just looked grown to me, sitting next to my little tub of love, who isn't yet at the point of being able to put the People in their houses, or make them talk and sing together. Right now I'm hearing very off key choruses of Happy Bir

thday. Apparently it is Belle's birthday? Learn something new every day.

Monster S made a big change recently. We chopped off all her hair! By we, I mean me, as I did it myself. I'm turning into quite the little beautician around here, which is probably good because I've got little girls who want to dress up all the time!! After many long battles of tangled hair and tear of frustration running down her sweet little cheeks, I caved. Her daddy wasn't too happy, but she was ECSTATIC to have short hair "like her Mommy".  She can do her own hair now, because all it requires is a clippy to the side. Every little girl needs a bob at some point. Just in time for school. 

School supplies have hit stores, causing a joyful emotion that should be radiating from my oldest Monster, but instead is radiating from me. I miss school, and I miss school supply shopping. I actually don't even care that the kindergarten supply lists mostly consist of crayons and boxes of tissue. My big girl is starting Kindergarten this year, in a brand new school that is almost LITERALLY right across the street from us. We are the Carmel Colts!! Takes me back to being a "Colt" myself when I was in middle school. Next week we're going to go out shopping. I cannot stand it, I am so excited. Now, I just need to figure out how I'm going to convince Monster S to pick out the backpack I like, and not the Tinkerbell one I'm sure she will be infatuated with.

I am more than a little nervous about how things will go at home with just two monsters here with me. I don't know if L will know what to do with herself without her big sister. They've always had each other, so to think that they won't be able to play with each other all day long for 5 days out of the week kind of breaks my heart. I'll have to make it extra special here at home for a little while to make sure she isn't too sad. Hell, let's just say it like it is. I'll be busy keeping L entertained to keep myself from crying my eyes out all day long every day. It will be an adjustment not having my oldest Monster here at home with me all the time. She's my biggest companion and helper. I am not going to dwell on it anymore right now. I still have a month left before I have to think about her not being here.

Monster L has officially developed into her own personality. She is a quiet little trickster, prepped and ready with a devilish smile that could make the hardest of men crumble. She plays on her mama's constant state of amusement, and generally gets her way if she smiles just right. What can I do against such a weapon? I find myself hunched over in silent laughter trying not to give way to her, but in the end I almost always fail. She's got me wrapped around her little finger, and she's got her Daddy wrapped around her entire arm.  I am thinking about doing some preschool research, because I feel like she will need something to do. Something separate and all her own. S never did preschool, because situations kept it from being possible. But I think L will need it. But, again, we'll cross that bridge in a month or two. For now I want to keep her right next to me. 

L has braved new things this summer. She has turned into a little fish, following her sister around the water park, and the pools like she was meant to be there. It's a fairly exciting experience for me, because I LOVE to swim, and all I want to do on a hot day is dive on in. 

The girls are done with "t-ball" and next week we get to have an end of season celebration at Chuck-E-Cheese! Who doesn't love that? They both did really good. S is quick as a whip, and by the last game had even reached the point of pausing and letting the OTHER kids get the ball from time to time. Such a sweetheart, because she was so concerned all the time with not making anyone cry. L evolved a lot as well. Instead of remaining the silly little one who played in the dirt instead of playing the game, she worked herself up to be a really good hitter, and even ran for the ball from time to time. My little all-stars!

My sweet Monster man is...well. A mama's boy. This kid can just grin at me with those chubby dimpled cheeks and gorgeous baby blues, and I am caught, hook, line, and sinker. I don't know if it is because he is my last baby, or if it's just because he's the only boy, or if it's just because I feel like he needs me more, but this handsome little man has stolen my heart. He is getting HUGE, despite all the fear and anxiety surrounding what he can and cannot eat. We have had our first official allergen induced hospital trip, and it was a learning experience. Father's day was spent sitting in an exam room waiting to see if he was going to continue to be lethargic, or if he was going to keep vomiting. No parent wants to see their sweet baby in that situation, but I'm grateful for how it played out. We are now armed with a plethora of information, as well as a plan of attack for the next time. Not to mention, it has given me a reason to be a control freak psycho. Never in my life have I said the words "Wash your hands!!!" so often. Soap and water, and lots of food label analyzing have become vital parts of each day. 

Monster Man is sitting up, crawling, and freaking everywhere, friends. This kid started crawling just last week and now, I cannot contain him! While he still love his exersaucer, he only likes it to JUMP. He sings the song of his people while jumping in this thing, slamming plastic against plastic and the sound of little balls crashing inside the spinning wheel are the backup singers to his loud "screaming" and "shouting". I quote this, because it's literally screaming and shouting. Not crying, but shouting, trying to be heard over the noise and chaos both his toy and his sisters cause. I think he's going to be done with the exersaucer soon, so I am taking advantage of it for as long as possible. For now, I am content to let him sit there and shout and babble, especially when he uses his two favorite words, "mamamama" and "dadada". It doesn't get sweeter than that!

As for me, I have been so...crazy....these days that I can barely find time to sit down and write. It has been on my mind, and at least twice a week I pull up my blog and try to find inspiration. But then a child cries, or laundry needs to be done, or even just a simple diaper change, and I'm pulled away from myself again to fix something for someone else. It is a never ending cycle and it is causing a lot of dust to collect on my keyboard AND on my camera. I have turned into one of those moms who uses her smart phone to get pictures of the kids. Which is, to be honest, a little depressing. Having lost all sense of "me time" I've decided that, in the very least, I can change my look around a little bit. I've become quite attached to the "rockabilly" bandanna look for my hair, and can I just say it? I look pretty cute with dark lipstick, something I NEVER was brave enough to wear before. I think this also calls for a

new hair color, but Husband probably won't be too thrilled at that, so we shall see. 

I did make a big dive into the world of more natural living. Monster Man is in cloth diapers full time, which has been an absolutely CRAZY learning process, but all in all way better for everyone involved. I have a bit more laundry to do, but the boy is accessorized in the cutest way a boy can be, and I am saving a ton of money on diapers. In fact, it has been almost three weeks since I purchased disposable diapers at all! Good thing Monster L became completely potty trained in that time frame, and is no longer having accidents in her bed at night! (knock on wood of course, because you know now that I've said it, peeing in the bed is inevitable. For her, not me. I'm pretty good at nighttime bladder control now that I'm not pregnant)

I have also decided that this is the year. Or if not this year, next year. But it is coming. I have decided that Husband and I are going to renew our vows (but not really) and have a big party for all of our friends and family. I haven't decided yet if it will be mandatory for EVERYONE to dress up formal, but my goal is to get some kickass pictures of just him and I. But, it is also going to be smashed together with the Harry Potter Party I've been dying to have for, oh you know, forever. So prepare yourself, friends, for the Not-A-Renewal-Harry-Potter-Party-with-Wedding-Pics-Extravaganza!  I'm also considering a 1940's/1950's (time era dress code mandatory) Halloween party, what with my new found obsession with that style. Who knows, first I have to get Husband on board. That shouldn't be hard, considering I can talk him into just about anything! What can I say, the man loves me. :)

To put it simply, now that this post has dragged out over a couple of hours, (for me at least) things here are going great. We're all doing great (except maybe Husband who works waaaay to hard in my opinion) and I couldn't be happier. Sitting here staring out the window, I am feeling oh so content. Even with the crying boy in the background, woken up just now by his terrorizing big sisters, I am happy. What more is there?

I'm sure I'll write more again soon, friends. I never can just do one post.

Be happy friends, and live simple. That's all you need when you have a crazy little life.

Lazy Slacker McSlackster.

Monster's birthday party is in a week and 3 days. I've got nothing. Nothing done, nothing listed, nothing purchased. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why can't I get this taken care of? Why am I slacking so hard with this one. Probably because it's summer, and I have far more interesting things to do that do not include laundry...
I mean, I know exactly what I have to get. I know what things I need to buy, and how much I need. At least I think I do. I haven't even sat down to write out a real list. I would much rather be lazy and watch cartoons with the kids. Sit outside in the sun. Go to the pool. All of that sounds like a lot more fun.
Why can't I get anything dooooooonnnnnneeeee?

Ugh.

That suffocating feeling....

Some days, I sit and think about how things used to be. Relationships that I used to have, people that I loved fiercely. Some days I can push past the thoughts and feelings of remorse, regret and sadness. Other days, it hits me like a ton of bricks. It consumes me, and I'm feeling guilty for letting the distance go on so long; for not reaching out sooner; for not reaching out right now. The overwhelming urge to have things like they "used to be" is so strong that I just want to make everything better. 

But then I remember that I am not fully capable of fixing things. That I cannot save the world by myself. I cannot make things better, because I don't even know where to start. And then that leads me here, pouring out my feelings in a public forum in hopes that one day someone will stumble across it and think, "Yeah, let's make this happen."

You know, children are capable of far more than adults in regards to the cold,. hard truth. They have the ability to smack you in the face with their innocence. Their inquisitive minds and hearts that just want the truth and all you want to do is shelter them. But they know. 

They know that when you flip through a photo album, and stumble across a familiar face that something is not like it was. Why is that person in this picture, and why are they not here now? When are they coming back? Don't they love me? As a parent the unbearable sadness and heartbreak of not knowing how to explain adult situations to your child is one of the most difficult things to encounter. Especially when your child is smarter than you, and their simplistic problem solving is much easier said than done. 

Well let's just call them Mommy.

Let's write them a letter.

Can we invite them over to play?

Why are they so far away, when they could just live here?

What do you say when you can't find the words to tell them how it is? And do you wait for the moment to pass, or do you take your child's advice and Just. Do. It. Call them. Write them. Apologize. Try to make it right? Because of course it is easier to never try. It is far easier to pretend like there isn't really a problem. But children know. They always know. 

Friends, I am torn. Fear of rejection is a suffocating emotion. Fear of failure is almost as bad. How do you rebuild a bridge that doesn't have a single piece of foundation left?

Tell me friends, do you let it go? Or do you put yourself out there, knowing the risk of being rebuked is high?

I'll be pondering on this one for a while. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hypocrisy at its best.

So here's the thing. I'm not much into public shaming. I wrote about it once before, and I'm back to write about it again.

I can not understand how so many parents are getting away with this, especially in a time where every parenting choice you make is under microscope. Do you spank or not spank, do you eat green or buy processed boxed foods, do you cloth or disposable diaper. Parents are an easy target for back-handed comments, and direct insults on how things are done in one's own house.

Yet, here are these parents, publicly shaming their children for things such as lying, stealing, bad grades, and the most recent to pop up in the Yahoo News feed, bullying. BULLYING, friends. Being publicly shamed for BULLYING. Is that hypocrisy at its best or what? You bully your child to teach them about bullying. Right, seems legit.

What are these parents thinking? "Oh I'll show them what they did was wrong. I will make them feel embarrassed about what they've done by making them hold a sign." or "She made fun of another child's clothes, so I'm going to make her dress in thrift shop clothes from the 70s! That'll teach her!"

I cannot stand by idly and continue to read stories like this. It is not okay, and it is not acceptable. Especially this bullying crap. How is making YOUR CHILD feel like shit going to teach them a lesson. If you want to embarrass your kids, hug them in public or something. Show up and cheer really Really REALLY loudly at their soccer games. Embarrass them to death with pure love. Because deep down, no matter how humiliated they are, they love it. (I know, because my dad used to do that to me. Drop me off at school and holler real loud out the window "I love you honey! Have a great day!"). But please, for the love of all things, don't make them stand on the corner holding a sign professing what they've done wrong.

Because honestly, that doesn't make the kid look all that bad. It makes YOU as their PARENT look like a crap person. Where were you when your child wasn't studying? What have you done in front of them to make it look like it is ok to make someone else feel small and insignificant? Were you possibly making them wear hideously ugly clothes to school?

Children are going to act the way we teach them to act. Don't believe me? I'll introduce you to Monster S. She has an attitude from Hades, and before she uses word she hears me say, she asks me what they mean just so she can use it in the right context.

Pony up friends, and teach your kids right from wrong with out traumatizing them with a story that they'll tell their spouse one day. Because remember, one day your children will be telling someone something they remember from their childhood and whomever they tell is going to think of that every time they look at you. So make sure they're thinking of something that resonates profoundly, instead of lowering their opinions of you as a parent and as a person.

Put an end to public shaming, and bring back the times where parents talk to their kids. You know when they're lying. Do what my dad did. Random lie checks. "Hey honey how was school? Oh great, that's good. So have you ever done drugs?" Re-instate the surprise factor if you really want them to be scared that you know what they're doing. But quit with the poster board, because are far better uses for that dead tree.

Be a hero, friends, be a hero.

In a day and age where information is readily available LITERALLY at your fingertips, I never cease to be amazed by the horrors I see every time I leave my house. What, pray tell, am I talking about?

Car Seat Safety, friends, car seat safety.

This subject comes up a lot among my friends inside the computer. Every so often someone finds themselves in a situation where they must choose between saying something to a complete stranger, or feeling residual feelings of guilt as they watch a child placed, often unbeknownst  to the parents, in a precarious situation. 

I know, you're sitting here wondering what the heck I'm talking about. If a child is unsafe, then OF COURSE you tell them. Right? Seems easy.

But how do you change an ingrained thought process of millions of people everywhere that something is ok, or correct a mistake that most people don't even realize they are making. Car. Seat. Safety. It's serious, and it needs to be addressed.

Issue Number 1. The infamous Chest Clip.

Here's a picture for you, so you can see what I'm talking about.

This is the appropriate way to place a chest clip vs the INAPPROPRIATE AND UNACCEPTABLE way.

Now, before you get the idea that I am some nose in the air, superior to you, know it all mother. Take a minute. Rethink. I'm talking about how So Many People are incorrectly buckling their children into their car seats. Not just infants, because toddler seats also have a chest clip. Not a stomach clip, not a double crotch clip, not an optional clip. A mother trucking Chest Clip. Buckle your kids. Because it keeps them in their seat. God forbid, you get into an accident and your child flies out of his/her car seat because you didn't take the extra 3 seconds to slide that sucker up. It's not difficult to "Place at armpit level" and you can never assume that it won't happen to you. Because that's usually when it does.

Spread the word friends, tell everyone you know. Hurt their feelings. Hell, feelings be damned. You could save a child's life by simply informing everyone around you about the dangers of improperly buckling your child. You know what that makes you? A hero, friend, that makes you a hero. 

Issue Number 2: Car seats on the handles of carts.

This is the twitchy subject. This is the one that people everywhere are usually Doing Wrong, and think it's ok, because Everyone Is Doing It. This is not high school folks, this is your kids we're talking about. Just because the other moms have their infant carriers on the handle of a shopping cart, Does Not make it ok. In fact, I want you to walk over to them and maybe share this article about a mom who lost her 3 month old because the cart hit a bump, the infant carrier hit the ground, and the baby died. It is a serious problem that has a  slew of excuses to go along with it. It is a popular discussion on my mommy board. In fact, 4 out of 4 Internet gangstas agree, don't put your car seat on the cart (that one is for you Nik!). Here's the excuses that one would normally hear, and a counter response to each.

Excuse: I don't have room for my groceries in I put the carrier in the actual seat. 

My Reply: Um, your child could be injured, or even die. Use the seat part and the space around the car seat.

E: But this is a big trip

MR: Pull two carts, baby in one, groceries in the other.

E: Well I would look silly doing that, and it's too hard.

MR: I've done it. With three kids. Older kids in each seat of the buggies, and baby in the basket of one. Try again.

E: Well, that's hard to maneuver for me, I'm all by myself.

MR: Get a babysitter. 

E: Well I don't know anybody who could watch my child while I shop.

MR: Use the store provided infant seat that is welded to the very cart.

E: None were available.

MR: Wear your baby.

E: I don't have a wrap.

MR: Put your groceries on the bottom part of the cart, under the basket.

E: Well that's inconvenient.

MR: Then stop having kids asshat, because that my friend, is life. 

What I'm saying here is, it does not matter what excuse you give me. Your child is always more important. Always. Spread the words friends. You could save a life. What does that make you? A hero, that's what.

And if you're offended by the information I'm sharing with you, then you're probably doing it wrong. Don't be offended. Think of it less as "I'm shoving statistics at you" and more as "I am a mother protecting my children, concerned about protecting other mother's children too". 

That's real talk right there.

The Sh*t My Kid Says

Here we go friends, another installment of the crazy things my kids say. Usually it's just Monster S, being older, wiser and therefore slightly more clever than Monster L. However, my delightful middle child is catching up with her older counterpart so these days I find myself cackling at both of them. So just for you, I'm compiling another list.

Monster S, on the subject of her birthday party (which has many funny moments!)

    On the theme:

S: Mama, I've decided what kind of party I would like to have. 

M: Oh yeah, what kind?

S: A rainbow party. With a unicorn flying, with really big wings, and a rainbow coming out of its butt!

M: A rainbow coming out of its butt?? That's so silly!

S: Yeah, like, it's going to FART it out! *much laughter ensues*

      On her gifts:

After a visit with Nana and Papaw, Monster S ended her good-byes with this:

S: Bye Nana!!! Don't forget, it's almost my birthday so go buy me lots of toys!

Me: S! You can't just say "Go buy me toys!" that's rude!
S: But I want toys, how else is she going to know if I don't tell her?

M: *shakes my head exasperatingly*

While on the phone with Grandma

Me: S, what do you want for your birthday?
S: Presents!
M: I know, but what KIND of presents? What do you want me to tell people you like?
S: Mama, if I tell them what I want I won't be surprised! *insert lots of eye rolling from Monster*

M: Touche.

     On the food:

M: S, what do you want to eat at your party?
S: Um, Food, what else would we eat?

M: *dumbstruck*

S: Well I guess we could eat lots of candy....

Monster L has had a few things to say about it too....

L: Mama, S gets wainbows for her pawty. Loss and Loss of WAINBOWS in the SKY!

M: Yep, lots and lots of rainbows. 

L: Lie-Lie loves wainbows. (Lie-Lie is what L calls herself)

M: Mama loves rainbows too.

L: NO! You no love dem. I love dem. You just the mama, and you no love wainbows cause wainbows are for little girls.

M: Well Mama was a little girl once.

L: No, you just mama. (Observant little sh*t.)

On the subject of their Brother.

L: Mama, brudder is stinky. I don't want Brother anymore.

M: Baby, we can't get rid of Brother. He's our baby!

L: No mama, he YOUR baby. I no want him.

M: Ok, he's my baby.

L: Oh sweet mama, look at your baby. Can I hold hims?

M: Wait, I thought you didn't want him?
L: I just attending* mama. (*pretending in Monster L speak)

S: Mama, Brother cries a lot, can't you make him stop?
M: If only I could babycakes.

S: Well then what ARE you doing?

M: Good talk S, good talk.

S: Ugh, you just don't understand what I'm SAYING.

That's right folks, she's almost 5 going on Shoot Me Now 15!

For the moments when listening is overrated.

M: S, you and I are about to box, and I'm going to win (metaphorically, of course)

S: Um, no, you are NOT going to win.

M: *taken aback* Excuse me? What did you just say?
S: I SAID you are not going to win, I promise Mama.

I walked away folks. I feel I should add a disclosure that my child IS still living, and no one was harmed in the making of this moment.

M: L, you need to help your sister clean your room.

L: Oh no Mommy, I can't help I holding my GeeRaffey (her stuffed giraffe) and I sooooo tired.

M: No, you need to help S.

L: S do it, not Lie-lie. 

M: No, pick up your People, right now.

S: Oh it's ok mama I'll pick up the people. L can do the clothes.

L: NO, Lie-lie do the people! Dose my people, I no want to do the clothes.

S: Ok, I'll do the clothes, you do the people.

M:Very clever S. I like your style.

They didn't get far in cleaning their room. They did however clean just enough so that they had a spot to play with their Little People. 

That's it for now folks. I hope you've enjoyed this post, brought to you by the Monsters that live in the room down the hall.
To read more of the sh*t my kids say, Click Here and Here.

Almost perfect.

It has happened, at long long last. I may have mentioned in one of my previous posts (don't ask me which, couldn't tell ya) that Monster Man is allergic to eggs and peanuts. As a nursing mom, this means I'm taking those foods, and any that contain them, out of my diet. Already we have seen a huge improvement in his skin and a dramatic decrease in eczema flare ups. While this is outstanding news that deserves a celebration, I am celebrating another big moment for myself. 

Perhaps it's reading every single ingredient on every single food label (um, by the way, can you say GROSS Great Value brand???) or maybe it's just that it's summer and I'm sweating it all off. Who cares why it happened, just that it did. 

I know I'm leaving you in so much suspense.

I am FINALLY under the "Less than 30 pounds to go" mark. I am only 27 pounds away from being back to my pre-pregnant (with Monster L) weight! And it happens every time, I'll soon stop breastfeeding and then BAM ten more pounds will go (because that's the weight I carry around in my sad, child inflicted chest) and then there's no telling what will happen. 

This may seem trivial to all of you, but really it is cause for celebration. It almost makes me want to work out...

Nah, I think I'll just keep eating salads. 

Carry on friends, in your quests to happiness. Nothing can deter me today, because right now my crazy little life is almost perfect.

DO IT!

I'd like to direct you now to the "Join This Site" section of my blog. Never miss a post by me again, and enjoy the ability to get new blog posts right to your Reader List. You'll need a Google+ or G-mail account. But that's o.k., because if you own a smartphone, your probably already have one of those. :)

Perhaps you're thinking that I'm thinking a little highly of myself. Nah, it's not that. I just like to know who's reading what I write. Call it, market research or perhaps even consider it, Me writing for YOU. Right, right? Doesn't that make you feel better about becoming a follower and helping me reach my goal of over 3000 page views?

Alright, alright. Real Talk. Consider this you reaching out and boosting my confidence a little bit. Everybody needs a boost every now and then. 

My Cartoon Life Preserver.

Disney Jr has joined the world of Netflix! Why is this so exciting? Why do I care so much? Why am I grinning ear to ear?

I'll tell you why. Because we have not had cable in two years. Two. Years. It has been Two Whole Years of NO Disney channel. I love the Disney channel, and to be frank, I was teetering on the edge of making a decision between spearing my eyes out with a fork or ripping out my own eardrums with my bare hands. It has been a long two years filled with many, Many, MANY episodes of Dora the Explorer (who, let's be honest, needs to be disciplined, running off like that all the time) and Wonder Pets (what's going to kill Mommy? TEAMWORK!) and Backyardigans (WHO WRITES THIS SHIT???).  I have lived through many an episode that causes head spinning, nausea, and even severe cartoon related depression. I've served my Nick Jr sentence, I've done my time, and I've done it all with a smile on my face. Granted, the smile was a murderous one, that you would probably find on the face of a psychopath with a deranged scheme in her mind of how to take down these annoying little pests one by one. But a smile nonetheless.

And then, like a tiny half frayed piece of rope tossed down into the dark bottomless cartoon induced pit, Disney made a contract with Netflix. Grabbing hold of that rope, I hung on tightly to the lifeline of the movies. Tinkerbell, Pocohantas, Tarzan and Jane. It was a feeble reminder that there is light in the world, a light that I myself experienced as a child. I could breathe again. Though I still had a wistful longing for a 30-minutes-an-episodee kind of relief, because how do you limit t.v. time to one hour when the only things you can stand to watch with your kids are At Least an hour and a half long? I'm ashamed to admit that once or twice I found myself engrossed in these Disney movies. Enchanted. Delighted. Once, I even put the girls in bed so I could finish watching the newest Tinkerbell movie in peace and quiet, because unlike the Monsters, I hadn't seen it yet. 

But all good things must come to an end, and suddenly I found myself saying things like "We are NOT watching Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure AGAIN. Pick something different!". My lifeline was becoming even more frayed, with each fleeting second. I was starting to say the lines WITH Tinkerbell (can you tell Tink is a favorite?) and suddenly the great Disney/Netflix joy was wearing off.

They must have foreseen that something like that would happen. Because just as I was entering back into the dark days of Nick Jr, something new happened. Something so amazing, that I even wrote a Facebook status about it! Jake and the Neverland Pirates happened. There it was. I was still holding on to the rope inside the pit, but with the introduction of a new cartoon that we had only seen ONCE, I was lifted out of the abyss. No more lengthy movies to inhibit my t.v. time law, no more Dora, or Ming Ming, Diego, or Pablo. It was Captain Hook for the win my friends. This treachorous villain of my childhood brought a new smile to my face. Cartoons became my friend again! Now, the steady influx of Disney Jr shows taking over my recently watched feed is pure, child-like, bliss.

 So you'll have to excuse me now friends. The Monsters and I just found Handy Manny. ;)

A Tiny Toe Dip.

I have been in a funk friends. A no-cleaning, no-motivation, don't-want-to-leave-my-house-or-change-out-of-pjs kind of funk. I don't know what brought it on, except maybe the mundane day-to-day dredge of life and housework. It hasn't been pretty, and if you saw my house two days ago, you would take me by the shoulders and yell at me to snap out of it.

But that, I hope, is a thing of the past now. I went to bed Thursday evening having accomplished more in the hour before I went to bed than I have accomplished in the last two weeks. Friday brought the joy of waking up to a clean house. Friday was a motivated kind of day, where four loads of laundry were finished to completion. My floors were swept, in a frantic rush in hopes of getting rid of some of the dog fur that had staked claim in the corners of each room. To put it simply, yesterday kicked ass.

I surfed Pinterest before bed, thinking of all the things I want to do with my children over the summer. I went to bed relieved for the first time in weeks that my husband would be working today. It is Saturday friends, the beginning of the weekend for so many of you, and the start of a two day countdown for me. Monday is a free day in this house. A day where Daddy is home, and we have an entire day to hang out as a family. Today would normally be filled with the disappointment that the rain was here, but not enough to keep Husband from work. Instead, having spent the last week plagued with thoughts of money, I am grateful that Husband has it in him to keep on trekking in his constant battle for provision. I am a lucky lady today. No luckier than I was last week, but today I am filled with the realization of it.

It has been a week from hell, and somehow I managed to not pull out my hair right along with Monster Man, who's newfound discovery of inducing pain has been a source of delight (for him) and tear jerking (LITERALLY, for me). This week brought new challenges, in the form of a brand new diet for this already half-crazed mama. Monster man is allergic to peanuts, and eggs. What does this mean for one so young? It means that his nursing mama can no longer consume ANYTHING with those in it. Do you know how many things have eggs and peanuts in them?? Not as many as dairy, which is what we tried first. But still, every label I read has the potential to be exasperating. Oh, and not only that, but Holy Moly Batman. Please, for the love of all things people, start reading the labels of foods you eat. Some of them contain some surprising, and almost gag-worthy, ingredients. I've been warned not to read the Great Value brand label of Kool-Aid. Out of pure self-preservation, I'm not going to. But I'm also not going to use it. Anyway, a new diet isn't as bad as I thought, and perhaps it is the reason that in the last two days I've lost 3 pounds. I'm sticking to a safe choice of salad with fresh ingredients. That seems to be the best way to go. I am thoroughly relieved, however, to be able to consume my coffee creamer again. I spent three days after Monster Man's six month check up not eating dairy, while we waited for the allergy panel results. I didn't think I would be as relieved as I was to put cheese on my pasta, and creamer in my coffee.

MMMMmmmm, coffee. Yeah, I definitely was not enjoying my coffee, so that is another thing to be thankful for today. The nice hot cup sitting in front of me is a source of joy and solace. I can tune out the world with this cup. This cup is beautiful, this cup a pure delight. This cup...Holy shit, my coffee cup has a crack in the handle. Ok, maybe it's not as beautiful as I was describing, but hey, it's coffee and it's consumable. Cracks be damned.

I'm going a little off point. I'd hate for you to think that my week from hell was brought on entirely by my son's allergies. That's not the case, because honestly that is a small blip on the radar of life.

I've said it before, I'm saying it now, and I'm positive I'll say it again. Money Sucks. Every aspect of it. Having it, not having it, needing it, not needing it, being late on bills, and shuffling bills around. Money seems to run our lives. Husband is working two jobs and while he isn't concerned, I find myself analyzing the way he is when he is home. My biggest fear in life is that something could happen to him, and let me tell you, it is exhausting to worry. But I do, because it is my job, and he is my world. I worry that he is working too much, sometimes I worry he isn't working enough. I worry that he is going to burn out, and I also worry that he'll dig deep and find a secret energy reserve that allows him to work even more. Poor guy, he's so blind. I mean, what else could it be that's driving him to such measures, if he's not completely blinded by love for his family? Exactly how it should be, but here I sit, still worrying. Needless to say, this week has held a lot of talk of work and money, all of which is just so overwhelming. Hell, I only cleaned the house so I could feel like I was doing SOMETHING to help, to maybe relieve a little of the burden. I'm a firm believer, after all, that looking at a clean kitchen has the potential to make anyone feel better about life in general.

Sometimes, all you need is a little perspective that things are going to be ok. After the week delivered to my door by Satan himself, I got a lot done. In fact, I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to jump back to my blog with a new post, but here it is! An update on our crazy little life, and hopefully the toe dip in the water that I needed to jump in full force. I'll try to be back again soon, readers, because I have so much that is going on that could be the outline for a bit of comedic relief. Then again, it's all the same 'ole same 'ole for me, and sometimes I can't make funny out of mundane. But I will try. 

Until Next Time.

The Monster and Me-A lesson in Respect.

 It has been a trying week for Monster S and I, and whoa buddy is this girl treading on thin ice lately. She has a mouth like her mama, and I worry about her too. In this very second, I'm remembering being told as a kid that "One day you'll smart off to someone bigger than you, and they'll knock your ass out." Yeah, she's my daughter for sure, because I fear she is in for it when she goes to school and blossoms with confidence. It's a slippery slope, and I find myself in a constant state of reprimand. Friends, how many times can you tell a child something before they listen?? It's a conundrum almost as nerve wracking as "How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop". Waiting in anticipation of something that may or may not Ever. Freaking. Happen. Monster S has a few catchphrases that I would love to make part of the "Sh*t My Kid Says" series, but alas, they are only funny because they come from one so young. For example. Monster S likes challenges. Not the "Hey Mama, I bet I can race you and WIN" kind of challenges. The kind where she and I are having a standoff and she says something smart like "Um, Mama, I guarantee you WON'T win!" in response to one of my favorite sayings, "We're going to box, and I'm gonna win."
Just yesterday Monster S got a lesson in Respect. That's a big deal in our house and S just loves anything to do with learning, so what better way to get a point across than to make her Learn From It. After she sassed her Daddy, and he tried in vain to get her to stand still and listen to him, I had to step in. I have a fierce, fiery spot in my heart for anyone who tries to step up to my man, and that includes my children. The conversation went like this:
Me: "S, get your tiny little butt over here right this second!"
S: "No, I'm not going to get in trouble. I didn't want to help Daddy, and you can't make me"
Me: "S, you will be in a lot more trouble if you don't Get. Here. Now." (I add the punctuation to give the effect of how I actually said this to her.)
S: *arms crossed, and stomping over* "Fine"
Me: "Now, who did you just refuse to help?"
S: "Daddy"
M: "And WHERE has Daddy been All Day Long?"
S: "Working"
M: "That's right. Working. And WHYYYY has Daddy been working All Day Long?"
S: "To make money." (can you tell we've had a talk similar before?)
M: "That's right to make money. Money that pays for things like: This house. The food on our table. Your clothes. My clothes. Your Birthday Party." At this, her eyes changed. It was so fast, so quick that unless you were in my shoes, you may not have seen it. It was a combination of realization and, almost, fear.
M: "Now, Daddy is working really, really hard to make money, because he loves you and wants you to have the things you want. Refusing to help your daddy is very disrespectful, considering all that he does for you.  So, What. Do. You. Need. To. Do.?"
Friends, I was very proud of my daughter in this moment. Because she turned to her daddy and apologized for not listening, and gave him a hug. And it wasn't the automated response that you expect out of a child. It was a heartfelt apology. Sometimes, you just have to be straight with your kids. They need to know. They DESERVE to know why things are the way they are. Monster S is far past capable of understanding how things work, and while I don't think it's ok to force money issues on your kids, I think she needed to understand why Husband is gone working all the time. That it's for HER. For all of us. Isn't it surprising how much our children understand?
That my friends was a Real Talk lesson in Respect, brought to you by the Monster and Me.