The Sh*t My Kid Says

Every day I am amazed by my children. They do incredible things that shock and sometimes even appall me. Monster S is by far and away one of the most intelligent children I know. She says things that are just...Grown. She can hold a conversation with HERSELF and still sound like she is smarter than the other person. Yeah, I know, it's baffling. So in honor of my little smartypants, I've decided to periodically have a post with the shit my kid says. Occasionally I'll set the scene, but sometimes, it's just not necessary.

On the topic of her new drawing and future career:
"Mom, this is a germ. Germs live inside your nose and all over your hands. Germs can make you sick, and that's why we have to get them out of our nose. We should get them out of our nose and study it, because I am gonna be a science-ist."

On the topic of her recently discovered dead fish:
"Daddy, next time my fish dies, hide his bowl so I don't know it."  Lie to her to spare her feelings? Sure!

On the topic of the newly cleaned house:
"Now that the house isn't trashed no more, I can do my tricks!" Commence the tumbling!

On the topic of her Daddy as a baby, to her Nana:
"Nana, I have a question for you. It might be embarrassing though. When Daddy was a baby, did you feed him with your bo-bos?"  Yep, now she'll be asking everyone if they feed their babies with their bo-bos like Mommy. However, can I just point out the incredible insight that my child has on the fact that her Daddy was once a baby and Nana was his Mommy??

On the topic of her sister sitting on a balloon:
"Ha ha, Mommy look at sister. She's sitting on her balloon cause it's an egg and she wants to keep it under her butt." I have no narrative for this, it's mostly just funny.

On her "phone" (read, cell phone shaped lip gloss) with her cousin:
"Listen, how many times do I have to tell you? We have to clean the house, nobody can come over yet. Gosh, just listen already! No I cannot come play with you, I have to help my Mommy. How many times do I have to tell you? Not Right Now!"   Yeah, she's my daughter.

More to come ladies and gents, my daughter is full of hilarity.