Teach them.

                 

I have seen this picture/quote floating around the webs for awhile now. Every time I read it, I think about how I love it.  Because it reminds me of my husband, and instills in me a fear for everything our children may one day face. I suppose that is parenthood, but it is something akin to walking in a pitch black room knowing one direction holds the safety of a cozy couch and the other holds a long flight of stairs waiting for you to fall. The worst part, is you think you know your way around the room, but then someone adds a blindfold to that darkness and spins you around really fast.

I have two daughters that scare me to death. I think about the way my parents raised my sister and I, and I think, ":Am I doing it right??" I never participated in dangerous things like drugs or alcohol, and I married the person I lost my virginity to. Now to most parents that might be a win. I'm not sure if my parents think I turned out the way they wanted. I do know that I am terrified of my daughters getting to that stage of their lives, and all I want is to teach them to look for the right kind of man.
Husband is one of those men. He really is The One. So I know that my girls have the best example in the world of what kind of man to look for. In fact, I generally calm my fears by thinking about this.

Then I had a son! Oh my goodness, that is an entire new set of fears. While I know what my girls are getting into, I know nothing about being a teenage boy. I know nothing about how to mold him into that kind of man. I never had a brother, so my parents are right there with me in the unknown of raising a boy. So I turn to my in-laws, who took on not only two girls, but also two boys and managed to raise them to be outstanding human beings. How my mother in law did not pull her hair out Every Single Day with 4 children is a mystery to me. So not only is she most likely a saint (or practicing witchcraft, one of the two!) her and my father in law raised my husband. And like I said, he is basically perfect. But my wonder and curiosity is centered around how they knew they were doing it right.

This picture, while a worthy goal, is a little baffling. Because I am pretty sure every parent walks into it believing they are going to produce human beings that are outstanding people. None of embark on this journey thinking, "I wonder how much I can screw my kids up!" So why are there no instructions on the best way to create such men and women? Obviously, it has been done before. Did none of our parents take notes? Did none of them pause long enough to think, "Hey, this stuff worked, let's write that down to pass on to our kids so our grandchildren will turn out right!"

New goal friends, I'm going to start making a note of parenting tactics that "Work". I'm also going to interview my parents and ILs. I think they might know something about how to make our children little angels. They're just keeping it a secret. Waiting for us to ask. Waiting for us to get to the point of pulling our hair out before they share the wealth of knowledge.
And to be honest, given the way I was laying in bed last night thinking about the kind of world we live in and that my daughters will live in, I think I'm at the pulling-my-hair-out point.