It finally happened...

Many of you may know (or maybe you don't because I haven't been on here much lately) that having a boy has been quite a surprise and learning experience for myself and Husband. Everyone tells you it will happen when you have a boy. They say "You will get peed on. Get used to it." This has been a source of amusement for me, as Husband tends to be the one to get peed on. Monster Man doesn't seem to have time to react to my lightening fast diaper changes. Not to brag or anything, but I'm pretty damn quick. Just sayin'.

However, It Finally Happened. I'll set the scene for you. 

It was a few days ago, so I don't quite remember all the exact details. But what I know is this. I was on the phone with my sister in law chatting away as I rushed around trying to get myself and the Monsters ready to be out the door. I have no idea where we were going, just that we were. Husband was working with the girls, and I had been feeding Monster Man. After that I went ahead and proceeded with the ritual of burping/changing/and dressing him. I just get it all done at once, because it's just easier to put a happy baby into the carseat. 

So I'm burping him. Now, being a third time mom, I've learned a few tricks on how to make those burps happen. If you don't burp baby, baby pukes on you. It's a simple science really. But Monster Man, well he has a nasty little habit of Inhaling His Food at a shockingly rapid speed. Which tends to result in a desperate need for some burping. Got him all nice and propped up on my shoulder, and we're burping. We're bouncing, we're patting, and we're applying pressure to the sweet spot by his tummy. Then, with no warning at all, it happened. He burped So Loud and So Hard that the sheer force of it caused him to spew like a faucet. I'm covered, he's covered, we are covered. 

At this point the only real thing to do is just keep on with the changing process. Clothes come off and onto his portable bed he goes. Off comes the diaper, and just as I pull the dirty diaper out from under him, I hear it. Quiet, but threatening. The tiniest of little toots from his little toosh. Back down goes the diaper right as he decides to let it all loose and poop. 

Right onto MY HAND.

But it didn't end there friends, the hits just kept on coming. 

Because for the first time Monster Man let out a leak of the likes I've never seen from human so tiny. That Huggies commercial, where the dad opens the diaper and baby hits the ceiling? Yeah, it was something like that. Pee shooting out and up and everywhere. On my hands (still covered with poop) on his clothes (still covered with puke) and on his bed (while barely missing mine). It was an epic release, and I must say his face looked a little peaceful when all was said and done.

So I did the only thing a mother can do. I picked up my half naked pee covered baby, dropped my phone on the bed(calling out to my sister in law that I had to go) and I handed that little sucker right to Husband.

I've been had, ladies and gents, with the three P's: Puke, Pee, & Poop. All in less than 2 minutes.

Needless to say, Husband is relieved to discover that Little Man doesn't hate him, he was just saving Mommy for the perfect initiation into Parenting A Boy. Also, Husband may have stood there holding the half naked baby for a good couple of minutes. Apparently laughing his ass off slightly impeded him from putting on the diaper and new clothes. Ah my crazy, crazy life.