But, since here lately no one thing pisses me off more than another, I am doing a List it! Pissed Off 1.0. Perhaps this will be the first of many List It! posts, but for now I'm going to try not to tailspin too much into an angry tirade against humanity.
Now, for your reading pleasure, things that piss me off.
1) Passive aggressive comments that may or may not be directed at one specific person. As a rule of thumb, these comments are almost always found on Facebook: The Source of All Things Drama! I'm beginning to really despise Facebook, because seriously, if you are badass enough to make a P/A post/comment/whatever on my news thread, then you can say that shit to the face of who you want to say it to. Or, if this is strictly an interwebz kind of relationship, put in a freaking message. Don't leave your whole friends list wondering "Jinkies, is that about me??". It's nonsensical, and honestly once most people have determined that your new status update is NOT about them, they don't care and you look petty.
2) Kittens. Yeah. I said it. Kittens. In my house right now, this is the motherlode of things that piss me off. Why wasn't it Numero Uno on this list? Well, because FB is always more important. But this is a close, minuscule hair away from tying. Because my Cat-That-Was-A-Boy-But-Really-Is-A-Girl had kittens, and they lost their appeal Real Quick. I've had to barricade them in my bathroom so that they cannot escape, but now also, everyone in my family has to climb over the freaking obstacle course to get in. My bathroom stinks. "Well, now, it's a bathroom, of course it does!" NO. It stinks like cat feces. Like a freaking litter box. A litter box that was barely even used until the little rodents came along. So, friends, it is time to re-home them. Sure I'll be sad to see their cuddly little faces go, but....actually come to think of it, I'm ready to only have my outside cat again...So no, no sad face for me.
3) Lack of a schedule. I'm a planner. Always have been, always will be. Lately I've been having a kind of frantic, erratic lifestyle as my husband works two jobs and I'm adjusting to being able to leave my house while he's gone. This has led to some last minute "Hey let's go visit so-and-so down the lane" (not that anyone lives "down the lane" from us, as I'm not sure "lanes" even exist anymore) and to be honest, I almost miss the productivity of being stuck at home all the time. Ok, I don't, but I miss how clean my house was and how I stuck to my schedule so nicely.
4) People who don't take advice after they ask for it. Piece of un-requested advice, Don't ask me for advice then tell me you will do the opposite. That's pretty shitty, and to be honest it annoys me. I mean, it pisses me off, but it also annoys me. Because, not only does it make it feel like my opinions are completely irrelevant, but it also makes me want to scream "YOU AREN'T ASKING ADVICE, YOU WANT SOMEONE TO VENT TO" which is a perfectly justifiable reason to talk, hang, chat whatever. But a duck is a duck, don't try to disguise it as a goose.
5) Books that end badly. If at the end of a book, you have killed off all the best characters, screw you. If you leave unresolved plot lines, screw you. If the last chapter feels like a rushed attempt to tie up loose ends and also burn off any chance of a sequel, screw you. Basically, if you can't figure out how to properly end a book, screw you.
6) People who can't take a joke and/or have zero sense of humor EVER. I freaking love to laugh. Who doesn't? Well, obviously the people who have such a dry sense of humor that they cannot possibly find humor in any situation. Everything is offensive, everything is taboo. My (unsolicited) advice, lighten up or go away. That is all.
7) Nick Jr cartoons. I used to love them. But, recently I discovered that Disney Jr cartoons are way better, so now I get pissed off at Nick Jr. cartoons. Yeah, I know, crazy that a grown woman gets pissed about cartoons. What can I say? I take my kids' t.v. viewing time Very Seriously.
8) The fact that Netflix does not have Disney Jr. cartoons. I mean, really Netflix? Get with the program. I want to watch some Doc McStuffins if you don't mind.
9)Mosquitoes. They piss me off. Blood sucking little fiends make vampires look happy. (*Cue a bad Twilight reference*) Honestly though, there is not a single vulturous flying pest that loves me more than mosquitoes. So by the end of the summer, I look like I've suffered through 3 months of the chicken pox, my legs are scarred and scabbed, and I have consumed more Benadryl than should be legal. All I really want are mark-free tanned legs that glimmer in the sunlight. Is that too much to ask for?
10) Mornings. Mornings piss me off. They always come too early, they last too long, and really, why can't we market healthy breakfast foods that kids can serve themselves? My kids have way more energy than I do at 7:30 a.m. and I am not sure I can be trusted to make scrambled eggs or pancakes that early. At least not before coffee, which unfortunately does not brew fast enough for my impatient Monsters. So I'm going to need someone to get on that, because applesauce cups are not as fulfilling as a breakfast should be, and I'm just not ready to teach Monster S to use the stove. Maybe when she's about to turn 6, but certainly not now, at almost 5. That's just too young.
Alright friends, that's the first of many, Many, MANY things that piss me off (really I could write a novel, but that would eliminate the potential for another post.) I know it has been awhile since you've indulged in the wit and charm my crazy little life always brings, but stay tuned. Summer is coming, alongside the beginnings of t-ball, swimming, and a birthday or two. I feel like maybe just maybe inspiration is on the horizon.
Until next time!
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