I have a problem. It is not a dramatic or life threatening problem, although it is leaning towards a problem that is detrimental for my sanity. I have a problem with that one dog theory. You know which one I mean? Somebody rings a bell, and makes dogs drool because they associate the bell with food? Pavlov's Theory, or Classic Conditioning, is the technical name for it.
I call it the Nothing-Gets-Done-If-I-Don't-Talk-To-Bee Theory.
Over the course of my engagement and consequential marriage to Husband, I have developed a rather...dependent relationship with my sister-in-law, Bee. It all started when we were pregnant at the same time, working at the same job, on the same shift, riding home in the same car. Actually, that timeline is wrong. It started with us working at the same job. From there, it evolved. We were already best buds before she found out she was pregnant with my nephew, and really, by that time, it didn't matter that we were forever going to be thrown together by our "children's" desperate need to be around each other. She is my other, other half. In the beginning of our co-dependent friendship Husband would joke that I only married him for his family (which is in no way accurate...I met Husband way before I met them!). Now, it is actually at the point that he doesn't even ask who I'm talking to on the phone. He just knows.
After the birth of Monster S, and my nephew M, both Bee and I found ourselves at home, kind of lonely and missing each other. I can only speak for myself (though I'm sure she'd agree) when I say that becoming a stay at home mom made it kind of depressing when we no longer saw each other Ever Single Day (Ya know, the more I write the more I'm realizing that this is sounding slightly unhealthy....). So we improvised, turned to our cell phones and began the tradition of talking to each other instead. Which is a good thing, because mostly we talked at night after the babies were asleep. See, back then, that was when Bee did all her cleaning. Husband worked the night shift, so I was always up, ready to chat. Eventually, after so many hours of listening to her tell me about the progress she was making, I began using our daily talk time as my routine cleaning time as well. Often Husband would come home (at 2a.m.) and I would be passed out on the couch, phone dead on the coffee table in front of me, and the house decently picked up. Except for laundry. Never the laundry. That was an obstacle course, and it did, in fact, help me lose weight after having Monster S, because I had to climb the laundry mountain to get out the back door for my smoke breaks (don't judge me, that weight loss was the easiest I've ever had!). Back then though, I didn't do nearly as much cleaning/cooking/organizing as I do now. I only had one kid to Bee's two, and not near as much to keep up with considering S enjoyed sitting in the same spot playing with the same toys day after day. In fact, I was a pretty messy (read: slob) individual and most of the messes were my own. I was...now I know this is going to be hard to believe, since I'm such a domestic goddess now...I was lazy. Pretty much always. I feel lighter admitting that to you, friends.
It took me many, many years to get to the level and stage of my life that I'm at now. Becoming this charming housewife that you know and love was hard work, requiring dedication, patience, and most of all motivation. The nighttime routine of cleaning our houses faded, what with our children getting bigger and demanding more of our time and sleep being a precious commodity that we rarely got to enjoy. Still, Bee and I talked just about every day. I am pretty confident when I say that in the last 5 years we have never gone longer than 3 days without talking to each other. 3 days is a long, long time. And amazingly, we also Never Run Out of things to talk about. Seriously, you know that friend that your parent would joke about you being joined at the hip with? That's us. Bee is the ying to my yang, and 3 days means AT LEAST a 2-3 hour catch up conversation. When the nighttime routine ended and we started talking more during the day, often times we would say to each other "I just need you to talk to me for a few minute while I clean." and a few minutes would turn into a few hours, and next thing I knew my house was staying cleaner. I began subconsciously associating our chats with cleaning. And thus, my Classic Conditioning problem was born.
While I know that you may not believe me, we have laughed many a time at how our housework suffers on days that we don't chat. We have even come to the realization that it only happens with each other. I can spend two hours on the phone with my mom and only do one load of dishes. I can even use today as a prime example. I started this blog post this morning at roughly 9 a.m. Now it is 11:30 and I have stopped writing 3 times and cleaned while I talked on the phone. Bee's husband once made a comment about the number of minutes on their phone bill that she spent talking to me. Our justification? "Those aren't talking minutes! Those are cleaning minutes!" If I were to look at my phone (heaven help the number of minutes to Bee I would find), I could say with confidence that 85% of those minutes were spent as motivated cleaning time. It's reflex, and most of the time I don't even notice I'm doing it. Here's my example for you.
Around paragraph, mmm, 2? I was typing away, and my phone rang. I picked up the phone and said "Hold that thought, while I finish this sentence" Of course, she knew exactly what I was doing because she knows everything, and as soon as I was done, I immediately (without even thinking about it) starting clearing trash off of my desk. I mean, it was littered with dishes and wrappers, and empty chip bags from all the time I've spent working. And I laughed as I walked out of the room the computer was in. Because this, what I was writing about, was happening even as I was writing about it. My brain associates her voice over the phone with Productivity! In fact, this whole post was inspired by her folding some laundry the first time we talked. (yes, I said first. We've probably hung up and called back about 4 times now. Shut up, it's perfectly normal).Every time we have hung up the phone I have found myself back in front of the computer laughing to myself as I write. I could go on for days, ladies and gents, about my co-dependency issues with Bee. So far today I have cleaned my kitchen counters and table, folded and put away a load of towels, cleared off 75% of my computer desk, had two cups of coffee, hung up half a load of my kids' clothes, picked up the living room, helped my kids put away toys, and put the baby down for a nap. I have so much more to do, but for now I think I'll just leave you imagining that I have a perfect house, with sparkling counters, and clean floors.
Oops, my phone is ringing again. I have some more laundry to fold, so until next time, you bishes can be jealous of how much I'm getting done today. :)
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