These days feel long and short at the same damn time. I'm not quite sure why it feels like time is slipping through my fingers, but it does. I thought that I had so much time left before "things" would kick-off. By things, I mean t-ball, summer, swimming in the pool, the end of the school year for my nieces and nephews. Time is coming so quick, and I almost want to freeze everything. Right here, right now in this little bitty portion of the world where, for us, everything is perfect and happy. I hate that not everyone is feeling like that right now; that right now in the world so many are hurting; so many are waiting on the edge of their seats for "things" to pass. I hate that the idea of freezing time in a place of happiness for me, means someone would be stuck in a moment of pure desolation and grief. So time keeps on trekking, passing rapidly through our fingers, before our very eyes.
How do I know that? Because my sweet baby boy is closing in on 6 months old. Half a year has already passed since I was sitting morbidly pregnant at this very computer, eagerly awaiting his arrival. My beloved oldest Monster is about to be 5 years old! She is about to start school, where suddenly her world will be so much bigger than that of what our little home contains. 5 years. I have been a mother for 5 short, long, beautiful, miserable years. I watch my children, and marvel that my middle angel seems so big, and yet, comparatively, so small. Her chubby cheeks still lined with the adorable baby chub that brings a smile to everyone's face is evolving daily into that of an older, more learned child. How heartbreaking it is to know that my sweet baby is giving me all my "last". Last baby laughs, last first discoveries and last milestones of all my kids. I almost want to pinch myself because I feel as though I'm dreaming. Floating along slowly, under water, watching the beauty around me sparkle as I stare up in wonder at the world around me. How did I get so lucky? Why me?
It's actually pretty crazy. I have never in my life felt older than I feel right now, in this minute. I used to get excited buying new shoes! I still do, by the way, just not the ones for me. I love watching my girls stomp their feet just to see My Little Pony tennis shoes flash lights everywhere.
I am so much older now than I was 5 years ago. I think curling up on the couch watching a movie is exciting! Dates consist of Lunchables and sitting at the same table, with laundry pushed to the other end to make room. And I love it!
My kids still want hugs and kisses from me though, so I suppose I could be much, much older. I'm preparing myself though, for all the "Things" and the busy schedules, and the chauffeuring and running around I'll be doing. My resume is about to tack on a lot more job titles, as if wife, mother, cook, and maid weren't enough!
But that's ok, because my crazy little life is perfect.
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