No rainbows for me today.

Every now and then I'm hit with an overwhelming sense of an illness. Symptoms occasionally hit day to day. Other times, however, it is as though the illness has me incapacitated. I think it is one we all suffer from. 

My illness, overwhelming and depressing as it can be, is called Life.

Today my symptoms have flared up.

Now normally I would try to keep things light, and fluffy, only using my children's bad behavior for any kind of real seriousness. But alas, I must warn you, this is not that kind of post. At All.

Having quit my job back in January, I've been loving the life of a SAHM. I have enjoyed my children, and despite the aches and pains, my pregnancy as well. But we have struggled. The pay cut we took was the largest we've ever suffered, and currently we are steeped with the highest amount of bills we've ever had. This in itself has put things at a depressing low. Add to that however, a severe blow to our credit scores after undertaking what I consider to be TOO MUCH CREDIT DEBT, and we are now stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

I am having to realize as a mother and a wife that while my husband is busting his butt to provide for us, my children and I will continue to be at home and most household responsibilities will fall completely to me. Why is this going to happen now? Because seemingly the only solution to our problem is that my husband get a second job. I have a hard time swallowing that pill because I have become very used to our time together. With one vehicle and two jobs, trust me when I say, the outcome is never fun. When I was working we never saw each other, never had a day off together. Our children never saw us together, and our family time suffered. And now, this, with a new baby on the way?

So like I said, we have reached a depressing low. No puppies and rainbows, or funny little anecdotes today. My symptoms have flared, and I'm in damage control mode.

Finances are not the only thing driving me up the wall with worry, though that is the worst. We attempted yesterday to trade in our car for a minivan. Everything was going awesome right up until the time came to try to get approved for a new loan. Like I said before too much credit affecting debt has piled up and I was shown the perilous fall my credit score has taken. It was outstanding when we bought the Mazda, and has since resulted in quite a few things being put in my name. So when Little Man arrives we may be facing the possibility of squeezing three car seats in our car. I'm not sure if it will work, but  I suppose I will have to try! Until then I will be working like a mad person trying to figure out a way to improve our credit so that the dream minivan we looked at will be a possibility in the future. 

My pregnancy has also reached a difficult point. Having suffered from both sciatic nerve pain almost full time, and dealing with a pain that renders nearly unable to walk, my housework has suffered. Sitting, standing, walking have all become barely tolerable. To alleviate the problem, I would have to buy a contraption that I don't really have faith will work, and to be honest don't want to spend the money to buy. If anyone has ever used a maternity support belt, please, let me know how that worked. I might be reduced to buying one against my better wishes sometime in the very near future. Without the ability to effectively move around, I'm also going to reach a point where my weight gain for this pregnancy will be daunting itself. I am hungry all the time, and cannot seem to balance my hunger against my physical activity to keep my weight from spiraling out of control like it did the last two pregnancies. 

So the outlook on life today is this: My bills are piling up, my house is a mess I cannot clean, my due date feels very fast approaching, and I have no desire to do anything except curl up in a ball and cry.

I've done my research readers, and the facts are this. Life sucks sometimes, and alleviating the symptoms does not cure it. It only eases the pain. Sometimes, even, the symptoms go away. Other times though, they just keep getting worse....