45 minutes goes a long way.

When I arrived home tonight from going to the store with the family, I was hit with what my upcoming weekend was going to look like. Trying to clean my house as my children were underfoot, and my hubby relaxed on his first day off. Can I just say that this is impossible???
So I decided to be clever about it. I waited until my girls were in bed, and started researching homemade cleaners. Now this is not odd because I usually do random things like this, and dwell on how much I need to clean instead of actually doing it. But tonight I decided that not only did I need more vinegar, I also needed some baking soda, light bulbs, salt, and a few other random items. This is when I did what I do best.

I sighed. Not obnoxiously or even very loudly. Just loud enough for my hubby to look over and ask what's up. Then, I crinkled my nose. "I have to go to Walmart..." which was followed with the normal questioning look of what I could possibly need from the store when we were just there. So I told him, and explained how I wanted these things because they are the best ingredients for disinfecting. At which point my dear, sweet hubby offered to go to the store for me to get these necessary  items.

Not even two minutes after he was out of the driveway I began speed cleaning. Which translates into "Cleaning as fast as my pregnant waddle would allow me to". I managed to get the entire bathroom cleaned, the living room and dining room picked up, all the floors swept and vacuumed, and the surfaces of the our "clutter catchers" cleared off. All I have left to do in the morning is load the dishwasher and wipe the counters down.
By the time my hubby walked back in the door, and saw what I had accomplished I think he was a bit thrown off as to why I needed all the cleaners from the store. I can't say that I need them tonight, but it will definitely be useful tomorrow when I delve further into the cleaning stages to purge and disinfect.
For now though, my house is picked up, my hubby has changed the lightbulbs throughout the house, and I can relax until the real nitty gritty work begins tomorrow.
All that in 45 minutes or less. :)

Our craft results!

Our Butterfly project, improvised slightly from the instructions.

We added sparklies!

We kept with the theme and made a caterpillar as well.

Our flying butterflies!

Water bottle shakers!

The girls picked their colors and Mama glued them on.

The left over strips were turned into a chain to clip our pictures to!

Time to have some fun!

After my post this morning, I have decided that my children and I are going to do some arts and crafts. I looked through my supplies (realized I had more than I thought I did) and then did a couple Google searches to find some age appropriate activities my girls and I can do. I'm not sure what the end result will be, but should my girls end up being the next Picassos I'll be sure to take pictures of what we do and post it for all to see.
To check out some of what we'll be doing, I've created a nifty little arts and crafts tab with a few that I've picked out so far. I just happened to have supplies for all of these projects here at home. I guess it pays to be a thrifty mom! Who would've though I'd end up needing all that tissue paper and left over birthday streamers??

I've been drawing a blank

The past few days I haven't written anything for my blog because I've been drawing a blank. I haven't had anything new to write about so I just didn't write anything at all.

In fact, I'm not sure I have anything to write about today, I just couldn't let my poor little blog go unnoticed for one more day.

I am unusually tired on this sunny day, and I know it is going to progress into crankiness at some point. Today is one of those days where the desire to do anything is missing. I can't find it. After a productive day yesterday where I literally jumped out of bed and into the shower, I find that nothing seems worthwhile today. My kids and I are doing the same thing day in and day out, and to be honest it's getting a little old. Everyday we wake up at approximately 8:15a.m. watch cartoons for about an hour, eat breakfast, play in their room, I clean up a bit, my kids start getting stir crazy and then we play outside for all of ten minutes before they decide it's too hot and we come back in. Lunch is followed by naps (which of course is an endless process that makes me want to stab a pencil in my eye) and by the time they fall asleep I am frustrated to the point of not really being able to enjoy my quiet time, and then 15 minutes later my hubby arrives home. 

This is what we do Every Single Day.

To be honest, I've tried thinking of things to mix it up and I'm at a loss. I make my monsters watch at least one educational cartoon a day because I can't get my oldest to sit down and take interest in learning with me. I've tried to think of games we can play or crafts we can do, but really unless you just have an endless supply of glue, construction paper, and toilet paper tubes at your disposal, all you can really do is color with crayons. That is boring my friends. 

We have dance parties, blast the music and play the "Freeze!" game. Which only last for about two songs, because then they are tired of freezing and just want to put in the special requests for which song they want, and DJ Mama obliges. 

As for playing outside, well, heaven help me if I have to sit out in 100' weather longer than 15 minutes, and my kids don't want to either. They don't enjoy it, and I don't blame then.

So here we sit. What creativity can I spur in these young brains??? I have nothing new to present them with for a fun filled day.  I can't take cartoons any longer. Yet I have no will to even move from this chair I sit in because I am exhausted of the boredom. 

I think a little research is in order. Perhaps I will google:
"What to do when you are broke, stuck inside, and have children to entertain?"

or even

"How to have fun with your kids when My Little Pony is all they care about, and you are apathetic as well"

or perhaps

"Fun activities to do inside that doesn't require lots of supplies"

I'll let you know how it goes.

Way to young to feel this old...

3 months from now I will be turning 23 years old. I never imagined my life at this age, except that I would married and working full time after graduating college. That's certainly not how it turned out, and I am supremely glad for it!

However, at 23 I feel vastly older than many of the people I went to high school with. Most of my closest friends chose the other path. I find myself slightly jealous of their ability to go to parties, hang out late, and in general ACT like a 23 year old.  Because here I am, pregnant with baby number 3 knowing that when he arrives I'll be getting my tubes tied and the baby phase of my life will be close to over before so many have fully started! I am eager to have that accomplishment under my belt. Because in my way of living it is an accomplishment to be raising my beautiful, endearing, yet oh so rotten children. It is hard, though, knowing that the reason I drifted apart from so many of my friends was because they didn't grasp the reality of my life. Eventually the invitations to hang out stopped coming, and the role as stay at home mother became more and more lonely. 

Now, 5 years after my life like this began, I am eagerly setting out to make sure I do not become overly drawn into not having a life outside of my children. It is starting to make me feel old to know that the majority of my days are spent incubating a new life, cleaning, cooking and then cleaning up again after the cooking. Of course, you also have to add in the mix the exorbitant amount of time spent watching movies and t.v....

Ah yes I am much to young to feel this dang old.

Who makes the rules?

So being pregnant leads to sheer curiosity about pregnancy in general, and I have in the past been a part of the social forums for Mommies-To-Be. However, it has become a cardinal rule of mine to no longer interact on these websites. I mentioned this in my post about secrets of motherhood the other day, and I tend to hold very true to it.
Mothers are cruel. No question about it. We as women are already inclined to judge (that's what we do men, get used to it) particularly when it comes to OTHER WOMEN. In fact some of my most horrendous moments as a human being have involved judging people. I won't confess what they are, cause that's senseless. I will, though, talk about the judgement that I read on one particular website, simply because it is entertaining. Very rarely do I do this. When I say very rarely, I mean VERY rarely. Why? Because it is just too tempting to want to post and scream and rant and rave at these women who clearly think they are entitled/better than other mothers.

Today's topic of interest was baby showers. As we all know I am pregnant for the third time, with my first boy. So here is where I find things to be touch and go. According to these goddesses of mothering, it is tacky to have another baby shower because I already have children, but in the same breath understandable because it's my first other gender baby. Cool. Got it. I understand the "Rule of Tacky" because in one sense I agree with it. In others though, I do not. My family has celebrated all of the babies born whether they were our first or not. It is FUN for crying out loud. There's nothing wrong with it, because we ALL enjoyed it. So for obvious reasons, when people have asked me if I am having a baby shower this time, I just say "Yes, more than likely" because it's been mentioned and what not. Yay. Love it. So much fun!


.So now I sit here and ponder these women who have so many rules to being a mother/becoming a mother/raising your children. What do they do that enables them to be so self righteous? What makes them better than the rest of us for refusing to allow anyone to throw them a second or third baby shower? It's not like they themselves are throwing a party for themselves. Because did I mention that's another cardinal sin for them? This one, I can understand. It's a rule that I wouldn't even break whether it was frowned upon or not. The rule of "Thou shall not host your own shower." Understandably, the reason behind this is that causes people to think that you have "grabby hands" and are not actually celebrating the soon to happen birth of your child, but instead seeking out for others to pay for the stuff that you want. THAT RULE I get. However,  I am stuck on the entitlement issue they have. The mindset that they are right. Tell me, does mob mentality actually make you right? I think not. It is there though. Mob Mentality Mothering. I could write for days about MMM. It is such a touchy topic, with unlimited supply of examples and proof that it exists.
I'll start with a story all about it

Once upon a time, I was a first time mommy to be, seeking solace and comfort for all these things I didn't understand. So I sought out a forum for mothers, hoping to get advice and tips on what to expect in the coming future.
Instead, because I so naively was honest in my profile about my age, I was what is referred to as "Flamed". It is embarrassing to be flamed. It is tear inducing. Here I was, 18, married, pregnant with our beautiful daughter and so excited that I just wanted to know everything there was to know. I asked a question that I didn't know was stupid (and couldn't even tell you what it was, because that was 5 years ago), only to be replied to with a vengeance. Let me tell you about that moment so that you feel what I was feeling. I logged on to see that others had responded and eagerly clicked to see what these wise moms had to say. Here's what they shared with me: "You are only 18 and pregnant with your first child? So what you mean is you got married because you are white trash and too stupid not to get knocked up?" and "Of course you would ask a stupid question like that, you're still a baby yourself. How are you going to raise one?" (which of course was what I was already wondering, and now felt to the core of my being). On it went. I was in tears sobbing to my sister in law, who could only advise me to stay away from that website. Having told her what was going on she valiantly went on and defended me to complete strangers. The damage was done though. Once one person cruelly responded to my lifestyle and inexperience, the whole lot of them joined on in.
That was when I learned my first lesson about being a mother. Other mothers are mean. Put them together and you get Mob Mentality Mothering. You don't dare disagree for fear of being on the receiving end of that flaming stick. So there you sit, joining in on the Mob Mentality that "breast is best, SAHMoms are queens, if you are a working mom you must not love your child..." and so on.
This maybe explains my rule of reading only for entertainment, and never joining in. I'll never forget how it felt to be criticized and ridiculed simply because I was so young. I'll never tell a complete stranger what to do with their body, or their child. Obviously the urge to judge is impossible at times to restrain, but Lord help me if I ever inflict that upon another human being who genuinely may not realize that they are being ridiculous.

Now I feel I should at least mention that I never experienced that kind of torture again. I learned what to reveal, and what not to reveal. I should also mention that not EVERY single person was a cruel heartless wench. Some women were very kind to me, and defended me to the mob. Since then I tried to be one of them, only offering kind words of encouragement, even to the most ridiculous and stupid of questions. Sometimes, that's all you really need. One person to tell you that you are not crazy, and it's going to be OK.

Other than that, I recommend staying away from mommy forums. No on can make you feel worse about yourself unless you let them. And it is rather hard not to let them when they so strongly advise that you are doing it all wrong just because you aren't doing it the way they are.

No one could possibly be that good of a mother that they deserve to make all the rules.

The bright side of things.

After what was most assuredly the Most Depressing Post Ever, I feel like I should follow up with some happy thoughts.

While cleaning my daughters room with her this morning, (after the miserable post) I realized that some of her new Barbie stuff was missing in action. It was all there two days ago, but having moved the barbie house to her room, and letting her have the accessories (assesstories as she calls them) it seems some things have sunk through the floor. Anyway, so here we were sorting through all of the Barbie stuff, and me realizing what was gone. I said to her "Baby girl, you HAVE to be more careful with your stuff, Mommy can't buy you new Barbies and toys. We don't have the money to replace all this if you lose it." and that sweet little thing looked at me and said "I don't need more Barbies Mommy. I have lots of dolls, and they don't need all those assesstories. I'm fine without new toys, so it's ok."

I have to say my worrisome mood disappeared very quickly after that. In fact, right now my girls should be going down for a nap, and I'm not worried about it at all. They are playing, and I'm barely even enforcing nap time.

I wanted to share this because people should know. No matter how bad things get, nothing is more important than the tiny humans who make our lives worth living. The problem we worry over are only worrisome because we worry for THEM. Which is how it should be. Suddenly the symptoms of Life don't seem so much like ailments, but as blessings in disguise that show me that my husband and I wouldn't suffer the way we do if our beautiful children didn't make it worthwhile to do so. Suddenly, the symptoms of Life are happy thoughts. Life sucks. We're piss poor and always broke. Money disappears to bills faster than it appears. But we do that for our kids. And for my daughter to tell me she is fine...well, I guess that means we all are.

No rainbows for me today.

Every now and then I'm hit with an overwhelming sense of an illness. Symptoms occasionally hit day to day. Other times, however, it is as though the illness has me incapacitated. I think it is one we all suffer from. 

My illness, overwhelming and depressing as it can be, is called Life.

Today my symptoms have flared up.

Now normally I would try to keep things light, and fluffy, only using my children's bad behavior for any kind of real seriousness. But alas, I must warn you, this is not that kind of post. At All.

Having quit my job back in January, I've been loving the life of a SAHM. I have enjoyed my children, and despite the aches and pains, my pregnancy as well. But we have struggled. The pay cut we took was the largest we've ever suffered, and currently we are steeped with the highest amount of bills we've ever had. This in itself has put things at a depressing low. Add to that however, a severe blow to our credit scores after undertaking what I consider to be TOO MUCH CREDIT DEBT, and we are now stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

I am having to realize as a mother and a wife that while my husband is busting his butt to provide for us, my children and I will continue to be at home and most household responsibilities will fall completely to me. Why is this going to happen now? Because seemingly the only solution to our problem is that my husband get a second job. I have a hard time swallowing that pill because I have become very used to our time together. With one vehicle and two jobs, trust me when I say, the outcome is never fun. When I was working we never saw each other, never had a day off together. Our children never saw us together, and our family time suffered. And now, this, with a new baby on the way?

So like I said, we have reached a depressing low. No puppies and rainbows, or funny little anecdotes today. My symptoms have flared, and I'm in damage control mode.

Finances are not the only thing driving me up the wall with worry, though that is the worst. We attempted yesterday to trade in our car for a minivan. Everything was going awesome right up until the time came to try to get approved for a new loan. Like I said before too much credit affecting debt has piled up and I was shown the perilous fall my credit score has taken. It was outstanding when we bought the Mazda, and has since resulted in quite a few things being put in my name. So when Little Man arrives we may be facing the possibility of squeezing three car seats in our car. I'm not sure if it will work, but  I suppose I will have to try! Until then I will be working like a mad person trying to figure out a way to improve our credit so that the dream minivan we looked at will be a possibility in the future. 

My pregnancy has also reached a difficult point. Having suffered from both sciatic nerve pain almost full time, and dealing with a pain that renders nearly unable to walk, my housework has suffered. Sitting, standing, walking have all become barely tolerable. To alleviate the problem, I would have to buy a contraption that I don't really have faith will work, and to be honest don't want to spend the money to buy. If anyone has ever used a maternity support belt, please, let me know how that worked. I might be reduced to buying one against my better wishes sometime in the very near future. Without the ability to effectively move around, I'm also going to reach a point where my weight gain for this pregnancy will be daunting itself. I am hungry all the time, and cannot seem to balance my hunger against my physical activity to keep my weight from spiraling out of control like it did the last two pregnancies. 

So the outlook on life today is this: My bills are piling up, my house is a mess I cannot clean, my due date feels very fast approaching, and I have no desire to do anything except curl up in a ball and cry.

I've done my research readers, and the facts are this. Life sucks sometimes, and alleviating the symptoms does not cure it. It only eases the pain. Sometimes, even, the symptoms go away. Other times though, they just keep getting worse....

Secrets about being a mom...

 Everyday I wake up and my job description changes. There are things as a mother I never realized I would have to do. Things I didn't even do for myself before I had children. Things...no one told me about. Mothers don't always share the things they've learned. Why? Because if they did, the population would decrease until the human race would become an "Endangered Species".

However, being a stay at home mom gives you some insight. People should be warned! So here are some things I've learned as a mother. This post may not be profound, it may not be as verbose as my others, and to be honest it may just look like a list of rambling, jumbled thoughts. But take heart, dear reader, because if you are not a mother yet, these may be things you want to know.

*Being a mother is all about bodily functions.

When you are pregnant, you realize that your body is not your own and that it has a mind from outer space. Your body will do things that you may not have realized were possibly. Peeing on yourself is normal...disgusting, but normal. Eventually you'll even get to the point where you aren't embarrassed to tell your husband that you are scared to sneeze.

After you have that baby, not only is your body leaking, but now your BABY is leaking. Everywhere, from all sorts of spots. You will be vomited on, peed on, pooped on, drooled on, snotted on, and even in those sweet cuddly moments, you will still have a little body sweating on you.

The bigger that baby gets, the worse it becomes. See, I thought once my children were being potty trained, it would get easier. Nope, not really. You still have to wipe their butts until they can handle toilet paper without ripping it to shreds. Oh, and let me tell you. That first time your child gets a stomach bug or eats to much candy....You will be catching multicolored vomit in your hands. For hours. In the middle of the night. 

*Your first child is your easiest. By far. No question.

This isn't necessarily because your child is an easy baby. My first monster slept all the time and so did I. I laughed when people asked if I was losing sleep because of her. Let me be honest. When you have your first child, unless you are blessed with a colicky baby with endless energy, you actually don't lose as much sleep as people say you do. Why? Because YOU sleep when THEY sleep. Since newborns sleep all the time, you actually develop a pretty good routine and don't have to worry too much about deprivation. It's not until the second child comes along that you realize you'll never sleep again. By this point the first child is older, and used to waking up at a certain time. Which means your next child will probably be on the opposite sleep schedule just to spite you. My oldest slept in in the mornings. My youngest was up at the crack of dawn. I was used to staying up later with my first then going to sleep when she did. My youngest woke up almost as soon as my biggest fell asleep. It Is A Conspiracy.

Your second/third/and-so-on child always seems harder, because that's when you realize, you have to juggle that infant plus the child/children you already have. The first child generally sets the bar, and suddenly you find yourself comparing milestones. "Well, Johnny took his first steps then, and said his first words when. Do you think there's something wrong with Little Susie?"

*Google is a wealth of knowledge. However, sometimes, it is necessary to avoid. You will always find as a mother, that the little rash your child is actually a flesh eating disease. As a matter a fact, don't web browse when you are pregnant either.

*Mothers are cruel to each other. They judge. They compare. The justify. They are just plain Mean.

So again, don't web browse when pregnant, or join forums to talk All About Your Child. They don't care about your feelings, and they hate puppies and rainbows.

*Your child Will Be That Child in the grocery store. Just get over yourself and admit that you will have a meltdown that puts you near tears, and possibly hissing at your child to stop screaming and you'll buy them candy. Heck, if it gets you to the check out line, don't be afraid to do it every once in a while.

*While we're on the subject. HA. You're child will be That Child in general. 

He/She will not keep their hair the way you fixed it before you left the house.

At some point, their clothes will not match. Especially when they start picking out their own clothes.

Most likely you will deal with one of the following: Biting. Hitting. Kicking. Hair Pulling. Nose Picking. Thumb sucking. Streaking. 

In fact, you may deal with all of those at once.

However, all of the above bullet points are nothing. Meaningless. Stressful at times, but perhaps there's a reason other mothers don't tell us about them. Because there are more important ones to share.

~You will cry over your children. When they are born, and while you bond with them. When they are happy, when they are sad. When they are sick. When you and they are tired together. Sometimes, you might cry just because your oldest monster wants to give you a hug and kiss. You will cry the first time they say they hate you, but also the first time they say they love you.

~Slobbery kisses are not disgusting. When your two year old walks up to you, licks her lips and puckers up, you will kiss her back and not think twice. 

~You will probably share your food and drinks with your children, and while it IS disgusting to share with other random children, it's not so much when they are your own. For some reason you will not have the thought "Ugh, are these kids carrying germs or diseases?" when it is in fact your own spawn.

~You will probably stop buying new clothes for yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. People in the check out line aren't looking at you anymore, they are looking at your adorable blonde haired, blue eyed baby cakes that you produced.

~Toothless smiles are cute on babies/kids. No really, look at your own toothless child and tell me those aren't the cutest set of gums you've ever seen.

~Your purse doubles as a diaper bag. 1)Because it is cuter than a diaper bag, 2) Because your stuff doesn't belong to you anymore, and that's ok.

~Get your kid a puppy, and you will witness true love. Big messes, but true love.

~Sometimes, you are going to laugh when you try to discipline. I do it ALL THE TIME. Why? Really it's because sometimes you realize that your children are the cutest ever under the absolute worst circumstances. You hate that you have to fish out an entire roll of toilet paper out of the toilet bowl, but you will cover your mouth with your hand to hide your smile when the monster tells you they wiped all by themselves.

~Brag. Brag. BRAG! They love it, they deserve it, and 10+ hours of labor means you do to.

~Life will change. Accept it, and get over yourself. You are officially the grown up. It's crap, and it's awesome. They are worth it.

to quote an author

As a young adult one of my favorite authors was (and remains to be) Sarah Dessen. I felt like every book she wrote spoke to me personally. I'm out of the phas where I can relate to everything she writes but I still enjoy reading her books. Recently I re-read The Truth About Forever, and after the day I've had I feel like quoting a phrase one of the characters said. It may not be verbatim but you will get the gist of it....

"Doesn't it seem sometimes like the whole damn world is uphill?"
Why yes, yes it does.

I could elaborate but really there is no point. I woke up after a night of practically zero sleep and my day only seemed to go uphill from there. Most people would say downhill but really isn't it harder to go up a hill than it is down. Perhaps everyone has been saying it wrong. Or perhaps, like every literary saying out there, there is more than one way of looking at things.

these simple phrases, "Everything went down hill" and "The whole world is uphill" essentially mean the same things. Life sucks. Things fall apart, and to be honest, shit happens. Go ahead raise your eyebrows at the way I choose to use my verbosity but I speaketh the truth. And while it may be a pessimistic view, sometimes life=shit.

That my friends has been my day. No matter how I've tried to force things otherwise, I've had a wham bam thank you m'am, can't change it, life sucks kind of day.

So for any of you out there also experiencing a craptastic day, fear not! You my friend and fellow are not alone. my brain hurts just thinking about it.

Facebook sparked a thought for me...

An old friend of mine asked a question on FB this morning that got my wheels turning, and to be honest I'm thinking maybe it was a sign. This past Sunday night we went to church with my husband's parents. This is nothing out of the ordinary for us, and it's not unusual to find us in a church. Of course, it's also not unusual to find us at home in our beds on Sunday mornings instead of at a church service. 

Anyway. Sunday afternoon was interesting to say the least. With a healthy theological debate between my husband and his mother (with myself very rarely putting in my two cents), then dinner in exchange for going to church with them (a trade not even necessary, lol), and then a message that was actually the first in a while of interesting sermons. It got my brain thinking about how much I used to LOVE being a part of my church as a teenager. I was very blessed to attend a church with some of my best friends, and grow up knowing that the rest of the congregation loved us and wanted us to excel in our Christian walks. I was never deprived of experience in missions, or of knowledge of the Bible. Our youth group was extremely small (consisting of maybe 5 or 6 of us) and we have all since grown up and grown apart. That doesn't change the fact that my biblical education was extensive and I had some of the best mentors for a walk with God that a teenager can ask for. Even now some of these adults who impacted my life may not realize that they did in such a profound way.

Which is why when this old friend posted to her wall asking everyone "What is your religion? What denomination? And Why?" it really struck a cord because I've been thinking on this so much lately.  I have yet to find as an adult a church that stimulates me as much as I was a teen. I have fallen very far from God, not necessarily by choice alone. As an adult I have enjoyed going to Clarksville's First Church of the Nazarene, where I found the worship to be awesome and the people to be friendly and welcoming. However, I have had one issue that to some is small but to me is not. I want to learn. I feel as though while the sermons are entertaining, I'm not learning anything new! So when we attended church with the in-laws on Sunday evening it put me in a good mood. For the first time in a few years I listened to a sermon that was interactively showing me verses from the Bible. I heard "Stand with me while we read this passage" and I heard a pastor speak directly of Christ's love for us as his disciples. It was stimulating and joyful. I'm not going to lie. I've never been a fan of hymns, and the slower pace of smaller churches was once upon a time quite dull for me. But how intensely thought provoking is it that on the same day I tell my mother in law of my need for more biblical knowledge and opportunity to learn more, do we attend with them and I receive just that?

So I suppose in answer to my friend's question, I would say "I am a Christian, having accepted Christ as my Savior. I am a tried and true Southern Baptist, because it was my first, and now my last, way of teaching/learning about God where I felt I was truly getting what God intended for me to learn about His love for me. I don't have a church that I attend regularly because for so long I was in the wrong place. I hope to remedy that soon , because I'm eager to get back where I belong. Until then? I'll be exploring God on my own, with a Beth Moore bible study that one of my best friends as a teenager gave to me. Experiencing God, in case you were wondering. And yes, friend, I'd love to have someone join me in this if you are willing. "

My brain hurts from boredom.

Some days I wake up and literally ache from boredom. My house feels like a prison and there is nothing new or exciting to do to occupy myself.  My children are playing the same mundane games, which ordinarily I find endearing. My facebook news feed contains absolutely nothing of interest, and I can't figure out the point of my new Twitter account. I've only left my house to go to Walmart, and the library last night. All the books I checked out are duds, and I'm finding that my once innate ability to "judge a book by it's cover" is no longer a talent, but instead a failure. My yarn is bunching, and I just don't want to crochet another stitch of my in progress baby blanket. Everyone I know is working or consumed with their own lives, and really, hold very little interest for me anyway on this excruciatingly boring morning.

So here I sit, in front of my computer, finding brief entertainment and brain stimulation by writing about this horrible existence I'm suffering through. 

Really, it's rather depressing.

Perhaps I will have to clean my house, but on this bleary day I find that even my music irritates the daylights out of me. Everything is the same as it was yesterday, and as it will be tomorrow. Where is the exciting, refreshing, cozy life I was living JUST YESTERDAY? How did all things amusing become so bleak? Why is everything so irritating to me. I am determined to chalk this up to the poor nights sleep I got, and I will find something that makes this day better. I will not snap or allow myself to be in a foul mood! Optimism at it's best. Instead, maybe, one more attempt at a library book. An open window to enjoy the day outside. 

Some earmuffs to drown out my children?

A pillow to get some comfort for my miserable pregnant body?

A nap when my hubby returns home?

SOMETHING to make this day go away....

* My daughter is a doll :)

My youngest daughter is adorable. Both of my daughters are beautiful, but for some reason my youngest is frequently referred to as "a doll". This is most assuredly a compliment, one that she grins at every time someone says it to her. I think she thinks of her baby dolls at home, and just assumes this means everyone loves her as much as she loves her babies. Not that they don't, but it is a surface only kind of compliment. Once upon a time I responded with a smile and agreement. Nowadays, not so much. 

My daughter may have porcelain fair skin, and beautiful as glass blue eyes, as well as hair so blonde it looks like barely their wisps of silk. To me though, this does not make her a doll. Yes, she looks like one, and when she smiles it will melt your heart. But not-so-deep down inside she is no doll. In fact one might say some days that she is almost possessed. By something not pure and innocent, but perhaps evil.... She is sneaky, she is sly, quiet, and even a little terrifying sometimes. Because even as she does something purely mean (like kicking her sister in the face or throwing the cat across the room) she smiles. That doll face grin everyone associates with her golden child looks is the look she uses when she is doing something wrong. Not many children laugh as they smack a person, but my monster does. 

Once upon a time I thought my oldest would be my trouble maker. Alas, I was wrong. While she is high energy and unfailingly exhaustive to be around, she has long since left behind the traits of being mean for the fun of it. Perhaps it is a phase that all children go through, before they learn what it really means to be cruel to another living being. My oldest monster has a sweet side, an inquisitive and beautiful face, and a curiosity for learning new things. She must be Provoked to be mean. Not that she doesn't have her moments of teasing her sister or playing to rough with the animals, but for the most part she's not intentionally cruel.

So when people look at my youngest and tell me she is a doll, I think "Why yes, if you mean a doll like the Bride of Chuckie." Because that I understand. But a porcelain, mindless beauty...Oh no, she's not that. She is very much a sneaky, mindful, sometimes Eeee-vil little trickster. and I want to point at her older sister and say, "Both my girls are brainy beauties, not just an ornament on a shelf."

Then again, why ruin their adorable appeal?

A throwback to my childhood...

So today at naptime, I told both of my monsters that they HAD to take a nap, no buts about it.  I always find it amusing when they have other ideas about what a nap actually means. To my oldest, it means "to take a breath" which is her translation of taking a REST.  However, she has it made up in her tiny yet enormous brain that a rest=a breath. Is this just her confusing her words, or is she a little more clever than I? I honestly could not answer that, because I think the answer changes from day to day. My youngest thinks that taking a nap means to briefly squinch (which I don't think is a word!) her eyes closed for about 20 seconds before laughing, opening them, and proclaiming "I awake!" She really is a doll.*(this has sparked an idea for another post which may immediately follow).

Anyway. Back to telling them they HAD to take a nap. After a mere 5 minutes of being in their room I hear giggles. Then outright laughter. Then, a combination of their favorite pretend games: Mommy/Baby and Lorelie is a Puppy. This wasn't really working out as Lorelie was both the Puppy and the Mommy at the same time, but either way it was cute sounds of playing together that I heard. It was then that I realized that when it is time for naps is when my children decide to play with each other best. They enjoy playing with each other, and they do it Oh So Quietly. Because technically nap time is forbidden playtime. Which is what brings me to the title of my post "A throwback to my childhood."
When my sister and I were younger, we did a lot of the things that my monsters do now, and it is often a source of endless amusement and nostalgia for me. One thing, however, that is most amusing to me is the forbidden playtime. Most of my memories of this actually took place once my sister and I were pre-teen/teenagers. For whatever reason (and because life was just So Unfair) we found ourselves grounded quite a bit.  Meaning we couldn't watch t.v., read books, listen to music, play on our computers, or basically do any of those lifeline activities that most teens find devastatingly important. However, we could sit in each other's rooms and talk, laugh, gossip, share secrets or even play. Now at 15 and 12 that meant playing board games as quietly as possible because I'm not sure it was ever determined if we were actually allowed to do such a thing. Did board games qualify in the 'Punishable by Law' activities? Who knows. They were forced upon us for Family Game Night (and of course, we were just pretending to enjoy ourselves. Duh!), so that meant it must be a punishment to play them.... No seriously, FGN was always fun, but board games were a grey area.
So there we would sit, quiet as mice laughing with each other during the only time we actually enjoyed each other's company. The Forbidden Playtime. The time when all we had LITERALLY was each other for entertainment. I almost wonder if my parents did this on purpose! I hold those memories near and dear to my heart, because as adults, my sister and I rarely see each other. This is sad, and happy for me. When we were younger, she was my best friend and the keeper of all my gossip. She was the one I protected and stood up for, and the one who dried my tears. As adults though, it's a gem for me to see her blossoming into a bold outgoing adult from the once shy and quiet wall flower. Her fierce loyalty and attitude is seen even more as she fights for what she believes in, because really, who is going to knock her down? So now, waiting in the wings, is her quiet, stay at home mom, older sister waiting for the day when I have to protect her again, and when we will sit, quietly gossiping and sharing late night movies as all of my children sleep in the next room, having enjoyed their own forbidden playtime.

It really is amazing how my girls remind me of my sister and I. I can only hope that they will evolve through this crazy life with a best friend that they find right across the hall.

My sister and I, around the same age of my monsters now. :)

A typical Saturday morning...

Saturday mornings around here generally start the same way. Everyone wakes up in a particular order, Monster 1 then 2, then Mommy then Daddy. Normally we all lounge around and wait for something, ANYTHING, to happen before we really start our day. Not today though. Today we all woke up, and started cleaning. Which I must say is a relief because the weekends bring a storm of dishes and tornadoes of clothing and toys scattered from room to room. The resulting mess by Monday evening is so horrendous that Tuesday and Wednesday while Daddy is at work  I am cleaning until the house is livable once again. 

But like I said, today was different. My monsters helped out, and we had everything picked up within an hour of being awake. Meaning the following time has been spent playing, taking pictures, eating lunch and so on. 

Taking pictures used to be part of our regular routine because Mommy couldn't go one week without picking up a camera. This habit died down to a disappointingly non-existent level resulting in there being little to zero record of my children for at least a 6 month stretch. Once upon a time I had at least one picture of each of them for every month of the year. Sadly 2011/2012 are missing quite of few months of their development which can only be blamed on the fact that Mommy was working and just let my camera collect an exaggerated amount of dust. However, I finally caved and pulled out the old DSLR and put it to work, making Monster 1's 4 yr pictures something beautiful to be treasured and hopefully soon, printed out to be hung on my wall. What a wonderful time to pick this habit up again, right as we are preparing for the arrival of baby #3. 

Anyway. This sudden burst of photographic interest led to me to hand over my little point and shoot to my 4 yr old this morning, and she took some delightful pictures of all of us walking around the house, and then captured the first "official" picture of my belly while pregnant with Brother. Surprisingly, she took an excellent shot, lined up and aimed perfectly. I think she may take after her Mama and take a real interest in the camera. I couldn't be more proud, actually.

Meanwhile, my youngest has tuned into her inner imagination and continued with one of her favorite games of pretend : playing puppy. Of course I didn't realize at first that we were pretending and quickly jumped to stop her from eating the bowl of dog food. I know it is basically a right of passage for a child to consume dog food, but that doesn't mean I didn't try to stop it! Imagine my surprise when her big sister turned to me to explain little sister's tears, and that "she was just attending Mommy, she's not REALLY eating Lily's food!" Poor little puppy was devastated that I wouldn't let her "eat" her food, because she was in fact A Puppy. Which she also told me in her still broken verbal ability. " I a puppy Mommy, I want eat my foooood." A moment as a mother I said what I've never imagined myself saying. "Oh, ok, you can eat your puppy food!" Ugh, the disgust at the thought, but who am I to crush their imaginative ability?

Now as I type, Daddy and Lily the dog are kicked back on the couch while my girls are walking around holding hands and playing intently with each other. It can't possibly last much longer, but I suppose while it is, I can pick a book and read. I just love Saturday relax time, a time of calm in our crazy, chaotic life. 

My kids won't wear clothes, and other funny quirks.

My kids won't wear clothes. Genuinely we've tried to keep them dressed from head to toe. It doesn't seem to work. I'll randomly find clothes scattered throughout the house as they discard an item room by room. By the time naptime hits, my children are in just their underwear. I don't get it. I love clothes. However, as soon as we come home from being out, off come the clothes. Play outside? Sure, let's do it in our underwear! Take a bath? Heck yeah we'll take our clothes off! Going in public? Well, let's AT LEAST remove our shoes! I just don't get it. But I suppose when you're little it just doesn't matter if you're wearing clothes or not.

Oh, and another little quirk of my children. They can't sit next to each other. Don't get me wrong. They LOVE to sit with each other. For about 20 seconds. Then one of them is putting their finger in the other's eyeball. Or sticking a foot on top of the other's head. Using their TOES to play with the other's hair! Is this normal sibling behavior? I know they live to make each other crazy, but something about my children, it just makes me crazy. They have magnets in their hands and feet that are attracted to each other's heads. No other body parts. They don't oh so casually hold hands or tickle each other. They stick their hands and feet in each other's faces. It's enough to gross any person out, even me, their mother.

And have I mentioned that my girls are just plain gross sometimes? I always thought that boys were the ones who wanted to pick their noses, burp real loud and talk about farts. I was sorely mistaken. It is apparently a game for my girls to pretend to fart on each other. They think it is hysterical! I think that perhaps when I was working, they spent just a little too much time around their Daddy. Because he is a guy, so of course he thinks this game is funny. I can't tell you how many times my girls have walked up to someone in our house, stuck their butts out and said "Ha ha, my booty farted on you!"   No really. This actually does happen. And you can't NOT laugh. It's depressing.

My girls wrestle. Knock out, drag down wrestling. They pull hair, sit on faces, and roll around on top of each other. They also laugh the entire time. Until someone gets kneed in the face. Yeah I know. Why do I let them do this? Because it's a family past time in our house to all wrestle on Mommy and Daddy's bed. Except now Mommy has a baby in her belly and can't wrestle so they just do it with each other. On the wood floor. Under the coffee table. It's deliriously exciting.

My daughter. Is my daughter. There's no doubt about it. She is too smart for her own good. Sometimes, this does not work in my favor. Sometimes it does. Like when her Papaw tells her he's going to get her and sister ice cream, and she says "Mommy needs ice cream too for the baby." Then Papaw says, "The baby isn't here yet, he can't eat it." and she replies "Yes he can. Mommy eats the ice cream and it goes down into her belly and brother eats it there". My kid is a genius sometimes, and the end result is a delectable chocolate shake from Sonic. :)  However, when she says stuff like "Mommy, you said yesterday that we would blow bubbles outside after breakfast, and that I could have a piece of cake to eat for breakfast and I know you weren't just joking!" Like I said. Genius. My kid.
Oh, how about when I was on hour 5 of making her Ariel birthday cake and asked her what she thought, and she said "Well Mommy you're doing an awesomest job, but I think she needs the rest of her hair and skins." Yeah. It's adorable.

I am so sure that I could just keep talking about these sweet little creatures, spawn of my being, but I think instead I'm going to focus on the the 300 pictures I just took of them and pretend that they ALWAYS look that sweet.

The solitude of my week.

I cannot honestly say that I remember a time when I've had more quiet, more silence, more freedom to do whatever I want. Certainly before my children were born. 

I don't care for it. sure my house is clean, my sink is empty of dishes. I can watch whatever I want on tv, eat whatever I want for breakfast. But I don't like the lack of little people in my house.It is depressing. I have crocheted baby booties like there is no tomorrow just to give myself something productive to do. I've planned this stinking birthday party down to the last detail just so I have something that stresses me out. 

Now I'm sitting in a very blah existence wishing for something to do. I'm going to eat. and crochet. and watch tv.