Life Lessons for my children

Kids say the darnedest things. Just when you think that their solemn honesty is merely amusing, and a sign of a delightful child, it becomes something that literally makes your jaw drop. Small minds have the most basic and thought invoking mindsets. Their logic makes sense, even when it doesn't. 

Anyway. So we're sitting at dinner last night night, and Husband just happened to get up and bring something back to the table that he knew I wanted. Just a simple sweet gesture, not unusual for him to do. But I turned to my daughter and said "Your daddy is so sweet, he is going to bring me some rice!" and she looked at me and said "Did you ASK him to bring you rice?". I told her that no I didn't, her daddy is just super sweet. At this point I looked at her adorable little face and told her "Sweetheart, when you grow up you need to find and marry a guy just like your Daddy!" to which she responded with "Well, then I think when I grow up, maybe I will just marry Brother!"

Like I said, their logic makes sense, even when it doesn't. 

Of course, at this point we had to explain to her that she can't marry her brother and in fact she won't want to by the time they are at the age to prepare for wedded bliss. But her statement really got me thinking. She understood what I was saying. I told her to find someone like her Daddy and the first thing she thinks of is that Brother is going to be just like Daddy. 

This is a point where, as a parent, reality strikes. Let me explain why. 

My husband is one of the most thoughtful, caring, forgiving, and compassionate men I have ever met. You would be hard pressed to prove to me that there is a better man out there than mine. In fact, even if you DID find a man that was seemingly a saint, I still wouldn't believe that he was better than Husband. Going with this knowledge I know that my son is going to be looking up to his Daddy and learn the way a real man should act. Not just towards his kids, or his family, or even just towards strangers. My son will have a role model who teaches him how to treat a woman. Believe me, if my son picks up anything at all from Husband, his future wife will be a lucky lady. 

Knowing this, I realized that I am so lucky to have this man beside me, because my daughters are also going to see the qualities they should look for in a guy. 

Then it hit me. Here I am gushing and full of adoration for the wonderful example they are going to see and I realized. I have two daughters. Two intelligent, beautiful daughters who are watching Everything I Do as a mother, and as a wife. Holy Crow. Now that's some pressure. Suddenly I'm analyzing what they see when they watch me. 

Now I know they see that Mommy cooks dinner for them, and cleans their clothes, helps pick up their toys, and washes their dishes. They know that Mommy will snuggle with them in the mornings, make cozy beds for us all to lay around and watch cartoons on. Mommy kisses boo-boos, and wipes away tears. Mommy disciplines them when they have done something they shouldn't, and rewards them when they act right. 

But I'm evaluating not just what they see in me as "Mommy" but also as "Daddy's Wife".

This is where things get tricky. My oldest daughter has already picked up on quite a few tricks of the trade from her Mama. If you know me, you may have seen once upon a time what I call "The Look." The Monsters know The Look. Husband knows The Look. Heck, my nieces and nephews know The Look. I learned it from my dad, and now I see that my daughter has already learned it from me. There are two forms of The Look. There's the exasperated "I can't believe you just said/did/thought that" look and then there is the Withering Stare. My daughter has perfected the withering stare. How many times have her and I been sitting together and simultaneously given Husband "That Look", only for him to say "Monster, you look just like your Mama"?  How many times have my girls said to their Daddy something that I would say to him? How often do I see my girls wrapping their Daddy around their little fingers, only to know exactly where they learned to do it?

It is a humbling reality to be sure. It is also cause for some self examination.

I am a firm believer that your marriage is the most important part of the family dynamic. It's a recent hard lesson that I have had to learn, but when you think about it, if your marriage isn't in the right place, your FAMILY isn't in the right place. Children learn what they are taught. They follow our example. They can know with every fiber of their being that they are loved, but if they can't see that Mommy and Daddy love each other, they will never learn really and truly what love is. Or, it will be a hard lesson for them to learn as adults, and could potentially result in damaged relationships on their part. 

What I'm saying is, I want my daughters to see what I see in my husband. I want them to see ME love their dad in every way that I can. To know that before they existed, we weren't Daddy and Mommy, we were Husband and Wife. To know that when they leave this house, their parents will remain Husband and Wife. Because in reality, your children are in your hearts forever, but in your home for what seems like mere minutes. At the end of the day, the only person who will be left to live by your side forever is your spouse. And if my children don't learn now what it means to love another person, they may face some serious challenges as adults. 

So I have set a personal challenge for myself. Another quest you could call it. I am challenging myself to not just be Mommy, like I have been for the past four years, but to also be Wife. I am challenging myself to teach my daughters the same things I know Husband will teach our son. How to treat your spouse with love, adoration, and respect. To show them that the greatest thing two parents can do for their children is to Love Each Other.  

This is actually something Husband used to end all his messages to me with. I hope one day my children find a spouse who believes this for them too.