I've found that people think it is ok to just comment on everything about my body to me. It is wholly disturbing as they are not living inside my body, they do not know what I am feeling, and they tend to think they know better than me. I've yet to encounter the issue of weight gain questions, but I feel it's just around the corner as I am frequently told that I look huge. Being part of the "message boards for Mommies" (I'm telling you it's just not worth it, but I just can't quit!) I get the delights of reading the comments of "You're almost there" from people who gave birth...Oh two months ago. I'm actually glad that I don't really even participate in one of these boards, because goodness me, I have found that I cannot stop myself from responding crazily.
So I've decided I'll write a little letter to all those (who will probably never even read this) that think they know my body, my baby, and my life better than me. :)
Dear people-who-know-more-than-I,
I feel I should start by saying that this is, in fact, my THIRD pregnancy. I've done it before. Which means I know what to expect when I'm expecting. I don't need your unsolicited advice, or encouragement or even for you to relate to it. I remember most of what I'm experiencing from when I was pregnant the first TWO TIMES. So please, respectfully, stop talking.
If only I could end this here. But alas, I cannot because I've learned people simply don't think you are talking to them when you say, Stop Talking.
I am in fact massive. Yes. I get it. I am 7 1/2 months pregnant, and yes I do still have 7 weeks left. I do not care if you think I look like I'm going to have a big ole baby, or pop any day. Thanks for that though.Also, when I say I have 7 weeks left, I don't need to hear "Oh you're so close!" I'm sorry if I don't care that you think that's amaze-balls. I don't. To me, 7 weeks is two more months of my bladder getting poked and prodded; two more months of being unable to get out of bed without crying; no Mexican food unless I have started the meal without the delightful appetizer of Tums; two more months of my bathroom and I being very closely acquainted. Two more hellish months of not even being able to cuddle with my husband at night, because I have to use 5 pillows(no less!) to sleep decently. Nothing you can say will make me feel better about this.
When I say I don't remember something, most likely I'm exaggerating. Because like I said, I've done this before. Multiple times.
I am miserable. There is nothing you can say that will make me feel better about the fact that I am miserable. I don't complain about it often to anyone other than my immediate family, because well, it's nobody else's business. But please, dear stranger with two or less children, don't tell me that the third one is the hardest. I've already discussed that with my doctor thank you very much. And I'm pretty sure it was hard to get up off the couch the first two times. I'm pretty sure that it felt like the baby was just going to fall out with both of those pregnancies as well. Because that's how pregnancy works. It sucks.
What I hate more than the comments about my appearance/misery is when people tell me, "It's so worth it once it's over".
Yes. No kidding. I am aware that at the end of this I get to bring home a baby.
I have two children already, remember? Two beautiful, rotten, hyperactive, snotty nosed, messy haired, loud mouthed children. You don't have to tell me what to look forward. Sleepless nights? Guess what, I already have those. Your one child is nothing in comparison to my soon to be three. I know it is worth it, or I wouldn't have taken the opportunity to get pregnant again. In fact, since I can use the word AGAIN, I also remember that babies cry, poop, need to be held, and sometimes, they are just inconsolable. Not my first rodeo.
Not to mention I'm pretty confident that I can say my first two angels did all of that and then some.
I know all about the issues that can come about from breastfeeding, because I think I might have done it once or twice, or for two point five years. But who's counting?
I also hate that when I am on the Mommy Boards, other women want to come on over to talk to us due in October. Post "helpful advice" about how to handle your newborn. Post photo bombs about there newborns. Talk about how close we are.
Here's my response to that. Nobody Cares. Oh, and add a disclaimer that says "First time moms, if you WANT some advice, here it is" not "Advice from a been there done that mom" because all I'm going to do is laugh at you. Girl please, let me post pictures of my 4 year old throwing a fit over on YOUR BOARD. and say "Now THIS is from a BTDT Mama, look what you get to look forward to!"
Here's another hot topic for me. Birth control. I'm at the point in my life that I get to make the decision to sterilize myself, because I have enough children to feel secure in that decision. And yes, I did consider whether or not it should be my husband instead of me. And I PERSONALLY chose that I never again want to be pregnant. So get off your high horse that you would force your man to do it. That doesn't make you smart, it makes you a bi-atch who doesn't respect your man. Of course, you should know I say that only to the ones who actually use the words "I don't want to be pregnant again, but I'm going to make my husband get snipped, I'd never do it to myself". To that I say, well it's no wonder he's a little tense. The rest of you who have discussed it with him, I exalt thee for being part of a communicative partnership. :) Also, I do not need to hear "Are you sure this is what you want?" I was high fiving the nurses when I signed my papers for the procedure. Because I know what I want. Don't question it, and please, if you value your life, do not give me your opinion on my reproductive organs. I've been on the pill, I've done the IUD, I have even relied on plain old condoms. Been There, Done That. So no, I do not care if you think I'm too young to make such a life altering decision. Last I checked, I don't need your consent. But thanks anyway.
It seems these days that my filter has disappeared. You may think that this is all stemming from hormones, please feel free to think that way. But I can honestly say, It's Not. I am firmly in the belief that unless you are one of the following people : My husband, One of my mothers (ILs included) or one of my fathers, My bff with whom I DO share every explicit detail, or My baby sister, then I am not required to share anything with you. I may talk with you cordially and allow you to reminisce about when you were there, but that does not mean that I want you to turn my experience into a chance to talk about yourself.
And Lastly. (Oh and this is a big one) Please do not shove your parenting ideals down my throat. I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FLIP if you think that crying it out is torture, or if you don't agree with my decisions in regards to my child's body, or if you think you are just the shiz kind of mom. That's great. Keep it to yourself. Because I will do what works for MY family. You know the one? The one that includes myself, my husband, my two daughters, and soon, my son? I'm pretty sure your name isn't in there. If my children don't call you mommy, you have no right to tell me what to do with them. That is all.
I hope you have enjoyed this little reading experience. Because yes, to all of you nose in the air strangers who want to tell me what to do, this was for you.
Now some funnies!
That is all.
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