I overdid it today. I was all hyped up with the music and the smoothie for breakfast, and I had energy gosh darn it. The end result is me sitting miserably on the couch with the heating pad again. Except I'm too energized to sit there, so instead I've decided to write about being miserable.
I got a lot accomplished this morning, and I feel good about it, but I wish I could do more. Being pregnant is exhausting even when I'm not exhausted. I don't like not being able to move around quickly and efficiently. This happened when I was pregnant with the oldest Monster, and now she is the most hyperactive child I know. She stole my energy, my vitality as a human, my very livelihood of being a young woman. I'm not young anymore.. I'm old, decades older than I am, but younger than I feel. Having children will do that to a person. Make you forget that really, you aren't even 23 years old yet. I haven't even been on this planet for 1/4 of my potential lifespan. Yet here I am, with a pinched back, and another baby on the way, to make me feel even older than I already do.
It's a blessing, right?
Anyway. Apparently, for all my skills of being a Hover Mom in public, when I am at home I have very few boundaries. I can watch my kids through the kitchen window as they play outside and I do dishes. I am cautious, with open windows, and the curtains pulled back. Both the front and back door wide open for quick accessibility to where my children may be. But I don't sit out there with them. I do things. I do the dishes when I'm looking out the kitchen window, I sweep the floors through the house and stop at each open door and window to check on my little Monsters. I just don't waste time sitting out there with them. Is that bad? Possibly. But I feel God gave mothers supersonic hearing for a reason. If we are not supposed to multitask why are we so good at it??
I used to get on those forums for pregnant women, and mothers of young children, but decidedly stopped. Why? Because there are too many pretentious know it all women out there who will always be better at mothering than the rest of us. They chew their baby's food before giving it to them, they sterilize the seats their child sits in. The wooden swingset has bumper guards, and yes they have the money to put down the outdoor soft padding underneath it. Sippy cups are the expensive name brand ones that don't use straws, because God forbid that straw not get clean enough. Baby food was pureed organic fruits and veggies that they have time to grow at home. They took a picture every day to make sure they didn't miss a single moment...
Also most of them only have one child.
Not to say all of them only have one child. (also I should mention said children are usually less than a year of age) Some of them are just THAT GOOD that they can multitask multi kids with the best and the biggest, because they saved up tens of thousands before they had their miracle babies.
I know I sound bitter, but really, what is wrong with letting your kid drink from the water hose? What is wrong with letting them run around barefoot once in a while?? Is store bought baby food really that bad? Can you really go wrong with letting your kids get a few bumps and bruises? I'm a SAHM who breastfed both my kids, cleans my house and tries to give them the best that I can. Really, isn't it worth it that all of us "lesser moms" are doing our best? My kids want to snuggle with me, they want me to fix their toys, they like watching Harry Potter with Mommy, and yes my 3 year old knows all about Twilight. Because I don't baby her. We do big things, together. And she is by far the smartest kid I know.
Which is all that matters, in this crazy little life.
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