It's funny. Some days I am just sitting here thinking, "Man this is it. The Life. Home with the babies, no work, and only a house to clean"
Today was not one of those days. Today was... Painful. Loud. Obtrusive. A day where personal space was not in the vocabulary of my spawns. In fact, not only did they take great pleasure in sitting on top of me most of day when I was attached at the back to my heating pad, they also took great pleasure in TELLING me how they were sitting on me. "I'm sitting on your leg, ha ha Mommy!" "Your belly? That huwts? Sowwy. Ha ha Mommy" "Thisses Mommy, thisses!"
So when it was time for naps, I was ready. Ready to get them in bed, ready for peace and quiet. Ready to not be watching a 4th episode of Arthur because let's face it, that little aardvark is only cute and entertaining for so long. Especially since I grew up watching Arthur. You know what I'm talking about, when it was still NEW episodes airing, and not just repeated trauma forced on me by Netflix. My little one could care less that we were no longer watching Arthur. In fact, I think she was ready for naptime because it meant that sister wasn't sitting on her legs either. My easy baby, how I love Spawn#2. Again my oldest made me very aware of how much she did not want to take a nap. The tantrums, oh the tantrums. Finally after many threats and a couple back wrenching wrestles to the bed, she was laying down quietly.
Mommy time wasn't really all that pleasant today though. I didn't clean, because I can hardly move. I didn't watch t.v. because Arthur had already killed enough brain cells for one day. I didn't even want to talk on the phone that much. Just me and my heating pad, staring at the ceiling while I ignored Grey's Anatomy in the background. By the time I decided to move, it was time to pay bills. To really sit down at the computer desk and figure out where we stand.
I hate this process. I think that bill companies base all their due dates off of the military pay schedule. Most things seem to be due around the first and the middle of the month. For those of us on one paycheck with only a biweekly schedule to figure things out with, it makes for a time consuming and tedious process.
My method? Write out all the bills on a piece of paper and then depress myself by deducting mathematically from what we actually have available to spend. It's a fairly good system, it works. But unfortunately by the time everything is paid we are back to broke, without even having left the house to buy groceries of fill up the gas tank. One income is no fun. For the life of me I cannot fathom how we are even still paying our bills, after taking a $700 a month pay cut when I quit my job. It's baffling. But I suppose the obsessive grocery list making and never going anywhere is working.
I'll admit, I was once used to the better things that life had to offer. I even daydreamed about a little bit today. How my husband and I used to go to movies together. How we never needed a credit card because we had money in excess to spend how we wished. My clothes were cute, and gosh darn it they FIT ME!
That is an old life, a million miles away from the faded jeans, and short un-styled haircut that now reigns for me. A diaper bag instead of a cute purse, because carrying both is just too exhausting. Cable hasn't even been a word for us in over a year. Netflix is our hero for television entertainment. Heck, the speed of our internet has been decreased, just to save a few buck so that Mommy can be home with the babies, and Daddy sees us on the weekends.
Some might think that it isn't worth it if you can't enjoy nice things. Let me be the first to tell you that sometimes, a family snuggle on the couch while eating hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, is worth way more than a fancy restaurant dinner and a movie. It's worth it because I don't have to run out the door as my kids wake up from their naps, just in time to say hello then goodbye to my husband as he jumps out of the car and I jump in. It's worth it because my kids don't ask me when I'm coming home, or cry with outstretched arms as I shut the door behind me. Sometimes, money really isn't everything, especially if we are still alive, still eating, and still wearing clean clothes. Still happy, still healthy, and still growing as a family.
That's all that matters in this crazy little life, right?
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