a day at the zoo :)

Today was a super fun day. We were invited by a couple we are friends with to go on a field trip. They have two boys, very close in age to our two girls. So naturally, we are planning their weddings. :) After some debate about where we were going to go, it was decided that we were going to the Nashville Zoo. My girls have been before, and in reality they probably don't remember the last two times we went because they were so small. Meaning it was like going for the first time.
After a nice car ride up there, we all piled out of the car and headed in. Every animal was absolutely amazing to them. A new experience each time we walked up to a wooden rope covered fence. A few animals we were seeing for the first time and some were old timers for us. All this for Monster 2 was a brand new experience because she slept in a stroller the whole time we had been there before. And she knew what she wanted to see. We talked about all morning before we left. We dressed accordingly. She hugged her little stuffed animal tight and said bye bye as she left to see the real deal. Monster 2 wanted to see the Giraffes. So of course....We saved it for last. It was so exciting to see this little creature light up with pure joy and scream and point "MY GIRAFFES MY GIRAFFES".
Yeah, except lucky for us, our children didn't notice that the Daddy Giraffe was in a frisky mood for the Mommy Giraffe while poor Baby Giraffe hid in a corner with his head to the wall. Oh yes, I am saying what you think I'm saying. My child didn't want to leave the giraffes, the two guys in our group couldn't stop laughing and making jokes, and us poor wives looked on in pity at this Mommy Giraffe running from her man. So I guess that just proves, Marriage is UNIVERSAL.
So it was a long fun filled day with lots of laughter and care free fun; a first I think for an outing my husband and I have taken with another couple. I think the key was they are a young married couple, who have children just like us, and aren't related to us. I swear that's the ticket to a fun family friendship. Just enough to relate to them about day to day livelihood, but not so much that you run out of things to talk about. I love this couple, and really, I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if our children grew up and got married. ;)


Anyway, this poor pregnant mama has to go kick her feet up after a crazy day of walking around collecting heat.

It was one of those days.

Have you ever had a day that you don't even wish you could start over, it was that bad? Today has been that for myself and Monster 1. It was an ear splitting, jaw clenching, hair pulling (wishing it wasn't my own I was pulling), sit-me-in-a-corner-and-let-me-cry kind of day.

Now before I start my next few statements please let me make it very clear, I would NEVER harm my children to the point of abuse or emotional damage, or even murder if you want to make it extreme. 

I just think about it.

I know, Mother of the Year, right? What kind of mother even thinks about physically harming her own child? The good kind who don't actually do it. The kind who can channel inner patience, without giving in to the spasms of pain threatening to be unleashed from their bare hands. In the wild some animals eat their young, and no one looks at them in shock. So please remember that I have not done that yet, and a criminal I am not. In fact, I think I'm normal. I truly believe at some point EVERY mother has a moment like I had today.

My oldest Monster is strong willed, passionately enthusiastic about her favorite things, creative, loud, and bossy as hell. She can lie to your face and truly believe what she says. She can make you believe that she is going to do what she says she will do, even though in the back of your mind you know she won't. She can commandeer her sister into doing things that Monster 2 would never be creative enough to think of on her own. (Sorry, it's just true. But hey, Monster 2 is younger so there's still potential) Basically, one day, if she puts her brains to it, she will become the best damn politician this world has ever seen. It makes me proud.

Except when she uses all those skills at once. 

When the curtains get pulled off the wall.

Every plastic plate and cup is lined up on the living room floor. Which will have to be rewashed because they've been on the floor. Adorned with napkins and straws that can no longer be used because they've also hit said floor. 

When every hanger is pulled off the rod in their closet, because they have been climbing on top of the dresser (which is IN said closet) to reach them.

When you find kitchen chairs pushed up to the counter and a fly swatter has been craftily used to reach the Walmart bag full of Easter candy above the refrigerator.

When every blanket and stuff animal off their bed has found its way to the kitchen floor.

Colored pencils are sticking out precariously from between the couch cushions for some unsuspecting victim to sit on.

Note cards and bottles of paint have been lined up to taunt and make you wonder if you're going to some day soon find a wall with pink and purple fingerprints on it. 

When they are playing outside, and wait for you to be checking on the plants you have growing, and they run off to the side of the house and start climbing on the A.C. unit.

Where was I you ask? Cleaning up the previous mess each time they ran off to make a new one. Or hovering over the toilet. Or curled up in a ball crying.

It's days like these that I am not a proud mother. I am a barely restrained mother who has to control my hormonal and unbalanced temper.

I am a mother who for half a second can understand the disgusting people out there who have snapped, and wound up on the news. 

A mother who near cried in relief when my husband walked in the door and saved our children poor precious lives from being locked in their room forever.

One month from now...

Ok, so I am nervous as hell. The pacing, stomach fluttering, nauseating, what is going to happen kind of nervous. Why? Because I only have 4 weeks to prepare myself for the possibility that we may never have a boy. That we may have 3 girls. 3 GIRLS! Or, I could be lucky, and we will have 2 girls and a boy. 

This sounds a little extreme to you all I'm sure. What do you mean you may NEVER have a boy?? Of course you can try again. I wish I could say that I would try again, but I am not cut out for the 4 kids mommy club. I am satisfied that 3 children (monsters) is the perfect number for us. I plan on making sure that we permanently have only 3 children. Let's just put it this way. God would have to see that I got impregnated through tied tubes for me to have more than 3. 

That being said, I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibility of life with 3 girls if this last child is not a boy. It is almost devastating to think about, despite the fact that my daughters are my world. Really, what is one more? I know pink. I breathe pink. I know nothing about little boys. But yet, I want one. 

My poor possible future daughter may read this one day and think "Man, Mommy didn't want me to be a girl!" Well, that's true. But, I've said it before. If either of my girls had been boys, we would have been done with them. I love my children with all my being, this baby included. So I might be prompting this little Nugget to have certain reproductive parts, nothing wrong with that right? And should it be a girl, well, we were destined to be surrounded by rooms that looks like someone vomited Pepto Bismol on them...

I'm obsessing. I can't help it. 

Someone please tell me they grew up with nothing but sisters, and that your teenage years weren't filled with horrendous hormone attitudes???

My Monsters behave-a story about my day.

This morning I woke up to my youngest monster hollering for me to wake up. She really is quite adorable, and annoying as it is to be woken up early, I can't resist her little voice screaming "Wake up Mommmmmyy". Now I exaggerate this word because when my daughter talks, she talks through her nose and lengthens her words, so she constantly sounds like she is whining. Most people would want to put nails in their ears than listen to her talk all day long (because really, for some I'd imagine the nasally whiny sound would get old) but I don't mind. You might wonder what could give me patience in this department, but I have no answer other than I'm just relieved she talks at all.

Anyway. So up we go this early morning to start our day. My oldest joined us not too long after giving us a complete snuggle fest on the couch while we munched on some yummy Frosted Flakes. I endured a few of the same mundane cartoons with them before I started picking up a little bit. I was under the impression that because of the gloomy day outside, the Monsters would be stir crazy inside. But behold, a load of dishes later, they were sitting quietly still watching Bananas in Pyjamas! When asked if they could have ice cream sandwiches, they were polite and both of them said PLEASE!!! Miraculous I tell you. So of course, who could say no to such polite little girls? 

At this point I felt that my day was going to go awry. My morning nausea had been building as I picked up, and I knew it was only a matter of time before the problem could no longer be contained. My next course of action? Battle out the nap time frenzy before succumbing to the bathroom floor. Imagine my surprise when all it took was me saying "Please girls, Mommy is going to be sick. Let's lay down for nap time."

So the only damper to my otherwise awesome morning was that I spent twenty minutes throwing up. Monster 3 is already revolting against his/her Mommy!

Feeling a little better meant I was able to eat, relax, watch two episodes of Grey's Anatomy before spending the rest of the day cleaning. We're all rested, the house is clean, and dinner is marinating. It's been a very weird day. Now we wait for Daddy to get home from working overtime. 

What a crazy, crazy day.

Whoa.

Let me first start this post by saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUBBY!" He is 26 today and unfortunately has to spend the day at work. But that's OK because we celebrated last night with pizza, ice cream sandwiches and birthday cards. While this may seem simplistic, I think that we as parents of Monsters get more joy out of seeing their chubby little legs running to us screaming "Surprises!" than we do out of birthday presents. Besides, Daddy got his own special ice cream in the form of Reese's Klondike bars that under no uncertain terms can anyone but Daddy touch. Which of course make the monsters want them even more, putting me on my guard whenever I hear the refrigerator rustles...

I'm suffering through miserably on my desktop/laptop makeshift setup because something has gone horribly wrong with the desktop computer, and our laptop has no screen on the monitor. the solution? The laptop being plugged to the desktop monitor enabling me to use the computer as I wish but having to turn at a slightly odd angle to get to the laptop to type. This will not stop me from my quest of blogging, but it might just stop me from having my vocabulary spelled correctly. Also it is giving me a slight crick in the neck. Dedication my friends, dedication to these words which you read.

Although I can't say that not having a computer all day yesterday was so bad. It inspired me to occupy myself with other things, including scrubbing and cleaning the house. Not only did we want the house to be clean when Daddy came home, the monsters and I decided that we had nothing better to do. The toys were picked up and put away, the laundry was washed and dried (folding is out of my expertise unless I just get way tired of looking at mounds of clean clothes on my chair), we did dishes, wiped down counters, fed the animals and scrubbed the floors. A busy day for us, since generally we only do one or two of these things and call it a success.

My monsters even took a nap yesterday with very little fight. Which means they went to bed late. Slept in late. Now, they are fighting nap time, an hour after it was supposed to have started. I'm listening to the delightful screams of Monster 2 as she is no doubt being tickled and babied by her big sister. They do this now that they can both climb out of their beds together. They play and fight and giggle. Normally this would be music to Mommy's ears, but when the crying out weighs the giggles I have to step in. I do not like having to fight at nap time. Why? Because I am already the bad guy. In the good cop bad cop game of parenting, I'm bad cop, all day, every day. That's not to say that my hubby is not a disciplinarian, because for sure he is. I just have the image of being too strict and too hard on my children. Of all of the relatives, I'm the meanest when it comes to what my kids can and cannot do, and how they get punished for misbehaving. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, because to be honest I don't think I'm strict enough. I've talked to my mom about how my sister and I acted at these ages, and the reply is usually the same as my thought process. We were not allowed to act the way my children act. My dad did not tolerate it. You know what? I think that I no longer tolerate it either.

This mama is taking a stand against my children's bad behavior, no matter what everyone else thinks. I've decided it's high time to take responsibility for my girls, and how they treat other people. Yes ma'am, yes sir kind of stuff. Please and thank you have taken priority number one. Time outs and spankings? My kind of punishment. I've recently even discovered on particular method that my daughters do respond to. Being forced to sit in their room. They hate it. Despise it. Since they can't get out (as the locks are on the outside of the doors for our children's room) they also can do nothing but scream and bang on the door until time out is over.

Now, this may sound harsh, and some of you may even think it dangerous. Let me assure you it is not. My oldest Monster is almost 4 (in two months time, oh my goodness!!) and she is a wild child. She doesn't respond to punishment the way some kids do. It doesn't scare her, it doesn't hurt her feelings, and it sure as hell doesn't work. But when this darling little creature is fighting back with me (and boy is she strong!) there is only one solution. Separation. I must separate her and myself. Without handcuffs, timeout doesn't generally hold her. So one day out of sheer frustration, I set her on her bed, walked out of the room, and locked the door. Don't get me wrong, it was hard to listen to her screaming and pleading to be let out, but I had to be strong. She doesn't like to be ignored, so naturally when I ignore her, it gets her attention. After much consideration (OK, a little heartbreak on my end) I opened her door and asked if I could talk to her about what she had done. Things as small as her telling me "No." escalate to a high energy point where both of us are screaming and running from each other. So for me to ask her if I could talk to her after traumatizing her, well, I think it caught her off guard. Yet, she still said No. She would not talk. So I did the only thing I could. I stood up, turned away, then said "OK, well I guess I'll have to shut and lock your door again..." 

I've never seen her move so fast. She shot straight up and exclaimed loudly that "It's OK, I'm ready to talk now." My sweet little girl has a craving for attention, and apparently not getting it is the best punishment I could have ever dreamed up for her. Does this make me a mean mommy? I sure hope so, because it seems that is the only way to get my girls to realize I mean business.

Today, after a near 2 1/2 hour battle over taking a nap (if you're paying attention, you'll realize that two paragraphs ago, it had only been hour. Such is the way my attempt at writing has gone.) I think both my girls are falling asleep. I think the fight exhausted them. I have won the battle for today, and my household is eerily quiet sans the noise of my fingers tapping against the keys, and the ticking of my clock. A sound I rarely even hear. I love my little ticking clock, especially if I can actually hear it. Sweet sweet bliss. Will we survive the cranky post nap hour? After today I'm not sure. My poor hubby may be watching the Monsters on his birthday, because I'm not sure I can take anymore...

Ah life. It's only going to get crazier.

Projects Galore

Today our girls officially were put back together in their pink room. I am relieved for one reason. Now they are close by my room, and I don't have to worry about not seeing them sneak out at night. Especially now that they are BOTH in big girl beds.

However, it was quite a project, and involved the task of murdering both their new(old) room, and the room Monster 1 was in briefly. We had to take apart the crib, which made me sad because now Monster 2 can't be put back in it to relive the baby lovin' days. Which means for the next 6 lonely crib-less months I will be eagerly awaiting Monster 3 to make his/her appearance. 

I am a crazy person when it comes to stuff like this. I detest cleaning, but I thoroughly enjoy the end result. I also enjoy making my husband's life difficult by try to find new ways to make things around our house less cluttered and more eye appealing.Which entails a lot of picture hanging and arranging, and needless shelves being hung in the girls room because "Of course they want to hang up their dress up clothes on a purple hook shelf!" and "Of course they will hang their necklaces from that shelf and ONLY put the makeup accessories on top of it".  I'm a little idealistic when it comes to my children. I truly believe that they want things to look cute just like I do. That they enjoy a clean room and having their dolls all lined up, sitting pretty on the storage bench between their beds. Some people might say I'm not idealistic, I'm straight up naive. This is probably accurate. I stalk the Better Homes and Garden website for inspiring ideas on how to decorate my house. Somehow, even though to the articles say budget friendly, my results are never as polished or refined, because I'm using scrap wood and leftover paint. Yet I push on, in my frenzy to clean and organize a home with too many clothes, too many toys, and too many pieces of junk that my husband and I just can't seem to part with. 

We recently had a yard sale in an effort to de-clutter. Which we did, to an extent. We made $175 and got rid of JUNK. Yet here we are in the same cluttered house. I don't even think we have room for a fifth human being in this household. My laundry piles alone are big enough to make space for at least 3 human beings, not just the one we are anticipating... What have I done letting it get this bad??? My Monsters are as bad as I, collecting pretty bags, and shoes, keeping every single Barbie shoe and hairbrush. While I think I have forced them to make space (by almost eliminating an entire bedroom of stuff) I am still floating along alone in my boat that we just don't have room. 

This of course means that even though we have 6 months left before this baby arrives, I feel the uncontrollable urge to push to get it done sooner. As in, NOW. How can I think about new baby items, when I all I can think about is getting rid of what we currently have. So my poor husband will be suffering for many months, as my battle against the clutter wages on. Insanity as it may be, I keep insisting that if it doesn't get done, this baby will be sleeping in a dresser drawer, because where the heck can we even think of putting a bassinet?? While some maybe chalk this up to hormones, I know the truth. I'm milking this pregnancy in an effort to take back what is mine... The Living Space.

It's crazy, but that's life.

Gardening is Fun...

Gardening is fun, if you like getting dirty, being in the sun, and sweating through your clothes! It's also fun if you like the experience of knowing where your food is coming from and that you worked for it day in and day out.
Our day started off at our church garden where my husband's sister has been participating for two years now. After much pleading and some persistent nudging from her, I went with her one day to see what it was all about. It was actually therapeutic to hack away at stubborn dirt with a shovel and then a rake. So today seeds were planted, all the children got dirty and we headed off to his parent's house. Little did we know we were in for it all over again!
My father in law has what most people call a green thumb. I like to think of it more as green arms because if he plants it, it will grow. What better place to start off the seeds that I bought than in HIS GARDEN! I'm pretty excited to think that the whole family is working on this together to get tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, beans, watermelon, cabbage, eggplant, and cantaloupe. Yeah, seriously. It's a smorgasbord of all the fruits and veggies that are the most delightful to enjoy at cookouts during the summer. And it will take at least 6 of us to keep that sucker going, seeing as how the garden itself takes up half the backyard...
Let the fun begin, right?

No seriously, speaking of fun. I posted last night about how I was going to torture my husband with cleaning late at night, and surprisingly he was super willing to help! So after we swept and scrubbed the floors (because Monsters 1&2 like to eat off said floors...) we decided to tackle the long overdue scrubbing of the couch cushions. Now, with two children and a microfiber couch, certain things happen. Bad things. Disgusting things. Things like juice spills, and diaper leaks, and bare feet tracking crumbs into the very fibers of the couch. Baby wipes getting left on them because Monster 2 likes to use a different wipe on each finger. Normally I allow for a good vacuuming and possibly a throw blanket thrown over it to cover the ugly stains.
We've had some stains appear that you just can't miss when you sit on this couch. My favorite stain (I say favorite because I noticed it EVERY TIME I SAT DOWN) was the one shaped like a miniature penis. Now hubby says it looked more like the country Switzerland. I honestly can't say I've ever seen what Switzerland looks like, but in order to not have to refer to as a mini pee-pee, I'm down with the Swiss baby.
Anyway. We scrubbed this couch. Brought out the industrial strength upholstery cleaner. Can I just have a cheer session for me and the hubster? Because Switzerland is gone baby! Our hand-me-down couch almost looks better than when it was given to us. Maybe not like new, but gosh darn it, I can say Screw You throw blanket, and get on with my life.

So that's all that happened here lately. Gardening, ridding the couch of Swiss, and bonding of the cleaning products. Have a nice night ya'll.

My Idea of Fun...

I have a hobby. One that you'd have to really know me to realize I partake in. I like to read about cleaning, online, and then try the cleaning tips I read about. I do this while my unsuspecting husband sits three feet away watching tv or playing a game. That's when it gets fun. Because this poor innocent spouse of mine is doomed. I never plan to spring it on him, you know, that his night/day/entire weekend is about to be ruined by dust bunnies, scrub brushes, and the litter box. But he has learned to roll with it with as little complaining as possible, because really a clean house makes a happy Mommy, and a happy Mommy means a (mostly) happy family.

So now that I have spent an hour reading about Spring Cleaning while hubby and the monsters watch previews for movies on the ps3, I am ready. Ready to start scrubbing. And while I said I wasn't going to make him do anything tonight, I think I'm about to strike a deal. We'll get the monsters in bed, and clean. And in return I will not complain about anything he wants to do tomorrow. I'm sure that this will not go over well, but really it seems good to me, because what better time to clean up after the kids than when they are happily asleep in bed? When they cannot follow Mommy around making more messes as I clean them. When we don't have to stop and yell, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT MOP AND BROOM?? (Using them as witch's brooms actually, duh Mommy)

So I guess I should say goodnight to all of you, because I'm about to upset my hubby, and do some late night cleaning. My favorite kind!

Let the resting commence...

I overdid it today. I was all hyped up with the music and the smoothie for breakfast, and I had energy gosh darn it. The end result is me sitting miserably on the couch with the heating pad again. Except I'm too energized to sit there, so instead I've decided to write about being miserable.

I got a lot accomplished this morning, and I feel good about it, but I wish I could do more. Being pregnant is exhausting even when I'm not exhausted. I don't like not being able to move around quickly and efficiently. This happened when I was pregnant with the oldest Monster, and now she is the most hyperactive child I know. She stole my energy, my vitality as a human, my very livelihood of being a young woman. I'm not young anymore.. I'm old, decades older than I am, but younger than I feel. Having children will do that to a person. Make you forget that really, you aren't even 23 years old yet. I haven't even been on this planet for 1/4 of my potential lifespan. Yet here I am, with a pinched back, and another baby on the way, to make me feel even older than I already do.

It's a blessing, right?

Anyway. Apparently, for all my skills of being a Hover Mom in public, when I am at home I have very few boundaries. I can watch my kids through the kitchen window as they play outside and I do dishes. I am cautious, with open windows, and the curtains pulled back. Both the front and back door wide open for quick accessibility to where my children may be. But I don't sit out there with them. I do things. I do the dishes when I'm looking out the kitchen window, I sweep the floors through the house and stop at each open door and window to check on my little Monsters. I just don't waste time sitting out there with them. Is that bad? Possibly. But I feel God gave mothers supersonic hearing for a reason. If we are not supposed to multitask why are we so good at it??

I used to get on those forums for pregnant women, and mothers of young children, but decidedly stopped. Why? Because there are too many pretentious know it all women out there who will always be better at mothering than the rest of us. They chew their baby's food before giving it to them, they sterilize the seats their child sits in. The wooden swingset has bumper guards, and yes they have the money to put down the outdoor soft padding underneath it. Sippy cups are the expensive name brand ones that don't use straws, because God forbid that straw not get clean enough. Baby food was pureed organic fruits and veggies that they have time to grow at home. They took a picture every day to make sure they didn't miss a single moment...

Also most of them only have one child.

Not to say all of them only have one child. (also I should mention said children are usually less than a year of age) Some of them are just THAT GOOD that they can multitask multi kids with the best and the biggest, because they saved up tens of thousands before they had their miracle babies.

I know I sound bitter, but really, what is wrong with letting your kid drink from the water hose? What is wrong with letting them run around barefoot once in a while?? Is store bought baby food really that bad? Can you really go wrong with letting your kids get a few bumps and bruises? I'm a SAHM who breastfed both my kids, cleans my house and tries to give them the best that I can. Really, isn't it worth it that all of us "lesser moms" are doing our best?  My kids want to snuggle with me, they want me to fix their toys, they like watching Harry Potter with Mommy, and yes my 3 year old knows all about Twilight. Because I don't baby her. We do big things, together. And she is by far the smartest kid I know.

Which is all that matters, in this crazy little life.

Wake up Mommy Dearest!

This morning has been blissful. Why? Because my spawn and I have only been out of bed for ten minutes. They  may have been awake, but they certainly did not scream and cry to get up. For the first time in....heck, who knows how long, my spawn let me sleep in! This is remarkable for two reasons. The first, is that my oldest came into my room this morning and I guess decided to lay down in my bed. But she didn't jump or scream that it was time to get up. I vaguely remember her asking me if I was listening to Harry Potter (because I listen to audio books at night). This not only makes me proud, it kind of makes me laugh. My 3-about-to-be-4 year old LOVES Harry Potter, just like her mama. So when she laid down in my bed this morning, she had grabbed some cereal to munch on and then curled up to listen to Harry Potter. This was a new experience for her that seems to have entertained her almost as much as it does me. Tears of happiness folks, pure pride. My daughter is a nerd like me!

The second reason this morning is remarkable is because my children haven't had a really GOOD nap in approximately, eternity. Ok, I'm exaggerating. 1 day of hell does not eternity make. It just feels like it. After the crazy ball park experiences this week I went to bed each night thinking they are exhausted, this is the day they will sleep in. I guess this time I was right!

What does this mean for the rest of my day? Well since we didn't crawl out to see the world until 10:15, an 11:45 naptime will not exist. Plus it's Friday. Which means when Daddy gets home, it's 3 whole days of Daddy time. So we will probably not take a nap today. We will clean!

Oh yes, this well rested Mama Bear is turning slave driver. We're going to turn the music up and clean. There is a system in this household. When the phone gets plugged up, and the music blared loud, something better be accomplished today. Because we only blare out music if we mean business. Do my 3 and 2 yr old get it? Yes, they do. They understand that if they aren't cleaning, they are DANCING. Dancing out of Mommy's way, where I can't trip on them and then be forced to threaten their lives. It's a beautiful and amusing process. People have walked in and out of our home on music days, and they are baffled. We dance. We REALLY dance. They stand (or sit) and just stare. Who are these crazy creatures dancing barefoot around the house to music that came out when I was in high school? Because it's just not fun if it's not the good music, and frankly half the crap I hear these days does nothing to compare to what I listened to at my Prom. Sad, but true.

So ladies, and gents, if you are out there and reading, slightly bemused. You should drive by my house today, and listen close, to hear faintly playing all the way out to the street some Weezer, or Usher, maybe even some Taylor Swift. That's how you will know that it is a productive day, and you should silently cheer me on in my quest to clean and yes, even, dance.

Let me just day in advance that I am posting this from my phone so not only is it going to be painstaking to write, it might be even more so to read. However, as a newfound dedicated blogger I can't let a little back pain keep me from posting. I can just let it keep me from doing so from the comfort of my computer chair. . .

oddly this may be a long one.

Tonight I realized two things. The first, I am a "Hover Mom" not only at the playground but also at the ball field. What am I doing at a ball field where a couple dozen teams are running around and it cold and difficult to sit on metal bleachers? I am watching all of my currently playing neices and nephew play softball. I am a dedicated auntie, and couldn't stand the unfair if I didn't attend each of their first games. Tuesday was the 5 yr old's first game EVER so of course I couldn't miss that. Then Wednesday was the 9 yr old's first time pitching so HOW could I miss that?? But tonight was my now 11yr old nephew's first game of the season, and can this proud auntie say it? He kicked ass. It's hard sometimes for me to believe that they are all so grown, and watching this amazing young  man slide into home plate tonight gave me a sense of pride and nostalgia that I'm usually go busy to stop and experience. This little man was the ring bearer in my wedding, the vessel of my proposal, and has always called me Aunt Kerry, even before I was.

So before I get a tear in my eye (I am hormonally pregnant after all!), I just want to make a note to those sweet little spawns, I love them dearly and am SO insanely proud of the people they are becoming.

And back to reality. Tonight my children, while running under bleachers and climbing on the gates, I realized that i could possibly be a high risk person for a heart attack! With the softballs flying (conking the children in the head), the little legs running (and skidding across the pavement), I just don't have the tolerance for all the times my heart stopped! Thankfully we made it through the night with only four accidents, two fights and seven or so sets of tears.  A miracle when there are five children under the age of five in the same area playing!

Yes folks miracles do happen. Children survive that which mothers fear, and they turn into little humans who sometimes don't need a kiss to make it better. They just need to get back to the game mom!  My oldest wants so bad to be big that she has decided mommy is virtually unnecessary. No more kisses, no more snuggles in public, no more soothing words to dry the tears. Just a quick "Really mommy I'm not bleeding that bad!" and then she's off.

I've never been unnecessary before.

That's ok though. My current incubating spawn will give me a few more short years to be needed. Needed for food, for snuggles, and to be his/her protector.

ah yes, my children are getting big.

And I feel too old to still be this young... Life is crazy.

Today was a day. Is that a good thing?

It's funny. Some days I am just sitting here thinking, "Man this is it. The Life. Home with the babies, no work, and only a house to clean"

Today was not one of those days. Today was... Painful. Loud. Obtrusive. A day where personal space was not in the vocabulary of my spawns. In fact, not only did they take great pleasure in sitting on top of me most of day when I was attached at the back to my heating pad, they also took great pleasure in TELLING me how they were sitting on me. "I'm sitting on your leg, ha ha Mommy!" "Your belly? That huwts? Sowwy. Ha ha Mommy" "Thisses Mommy, thisses!"

So when it was time for naps, I was ready. Ready to get them in bed, ready for peace and quiet. Ready to not be watching a 4th episode of Arthur because let's face it, that little aardvark is only cute and entertaining for so long. Especially since I grew up watching Arthur. You  know what I'm talking about, when it was still NEW episodes airing, and not just repeated trauma forced on me by Netflix. My little one could care less that we were no longer watching Arthur. In fact, I think she was ready for naptime because it meant that sister wasn't sitting on her legs either.  My easy baby, how I love Spawn#2. Again my oldest made me very aware of how much she did not want to take a nap. The tantrums, oh the tantrums. Finally after many threats and a couple back wrenching wrestles to the bed, she was laying down quietly.

Mommy time wasn't really all that pleasant today though. I didn't clean, because I can hardly move. I didn't watch t.v. because Arthur had already killed enough brain cells for one day. I didn't even want to talk on the phone that much. Just me and my heating pad, staring at the ceiling while I ignored Grey's Anatomy in the background. By the time I decided to move, it was time to pay bills. To really sit down at the computer desk and figure out where we stand.

I hate this process. I think that bill companies base all their due dates off of the military pay schedule. Most things seem to be due around the first and the middle of the month. For those of us on one paycheck with only a biweekly schedule to figure things out with, it makes for a time consuming and tedious process.

My method? Write out all the bills on a piece of paper and then depress myself by deducting mathematically from what we actually have available to spend. It's a fairly good system, it works. But unfortunately by the time everything is paid we are back to broke, without even having left the house to buy groceries of fill up the gas tank. One income is no fun. For the life of me I cannot fathom how we are even still paying our bills, after taking a $700 a month pay cut when I quit my job. It's baffling. But I suppose the obsessive grocery list making and never going anywhere is working.

I'll admit, I was once used to the better things that life had to offer. I even daydreamed about a little bit today. How my husband and I used to go to movies together. How we never needed a credit card because we had money in excess to spend how we wished. My clothes were cute, and gosh darn it they FIT ME!

That is an old life, a million miles away from the faded jeans, and short un-styled haircut that now reigns for me. A diaper bag instead of a cute purse, because carrying both is just too exhausting. Cable hasn't even been a word for us in over a year. Netflix is our hero for television entertainment. Heck, the speed of our internet has been decreased, just to save a few buck so that Mommy can be home with the babies, and Daddy sees us on the weekends.

Some might think that it isn't worth it if you can't enjoy nice things. Let me be the first to tell you that sometimes, a family snuggle on the couch while eating hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, is worth way more than a fancy restaurant dinner and a movie. It's worth it because I don't have to run out the door as my kids wake up from their naps, just in time to say hello then goodbye to my husband as he jumps out of the car and I jump in. It's worth it because my kids don't ask me when I'm coming home, or cry with outstretched arms as I shut the door behind me. Sometimes, money really isn't everything, especially if we are still alive, still eating, and still wearing clean clothes. Still happy, still healthy, and still growing as a family.

That's all that matters in this crazy little life, right?

Naptimes

Ok. So there are very few things in this world that are sacred to a mother. Naptime is one of those things. I believe in naps. I cherish naps. I enjoy naptime in my household.

There is a downside though. To get to the glorious end result (which is when both of my girls are asleep at the same time) it takes a lot of work. Patience (which I lack), a schedule ( which I have!), and morning playtime that will get them ready for the hiatus from the world. My girls have an agenda most days. Play, bug Mommy, and refuse to take a nap. That's about it in their world. Occasionally they add in some snuggle time, maybe even a blissful 30 minutes when they watch an entire episode of Dora the Explorer (curse me if you must, but she's my savior sometimes). But when 11:45 a.m. hits, they begin the revolt. They wind themselves up, prepare for battle, and even at times join forces. Like I said, I have a schedule, so they know when it's coming. Lunch is winding down, they've jumped off the couch a few times, and this Mama claps her hands and says "Allllright...."

And they know.

What that means for me is suddenly they will share a mind. A plan. With one look and grin at each other my girls can devise my destruction. Oh yes, I've learned what my little Grinch-Grinners can do. They take off in two directions, neither headed toward their own room, because that would make it too easy. One under the table, one under the desk. Usually my first victim is the youngest, because every good mother knows, you should change diapers before naps. I'll admit, if the wrangling is rough, it's straight to bed for Monster#2. For her, it's giggles and shrieks as she is swooped in the air and deposited safely in her crib. For me, it's back pain and a burst ear drum, with a ringing sensation left in said ears as I throw back an "I love you" and run off after the next.

Monster#1. She is slick, and she is QUICK. Most little ones can't resist giggling when they are hiding. This one? Oh she is quiet as a mouse when she is avoiding that bundle of pink blankies waiting on her bed. The first logical place to check is under the computer desk, unless she has moved since her sister was tucked in. Always a sure possibility. So instead of hunting her down like the Huntsman and Snow White, I decide to take a different approach. I sweetly grab up all those delightful little lovies that my daughter cannot sleep without... And I hide them. It's evil I'm sure. But it gets her attention, because if there is anything my oldest spawn hates more than naptime, it's having someone (even Mommy) move her lovies.

A few quick wrestles with her and a change of movie or two (yes, she has a tv in her room, get over it), and she is soon to be down for the count.

What does this mean for Mommy? A treat, like a piece of chocolate and a heating pad for my aching pregnant back. Plus the t.v., the glorious t.v. all to my little lonesome. Grey's Anatomy, here I come!

Right this second, I should probably be cleaning. Taking a shower. Picking up the bowls and spoons left out from the breakfast my toddlers had just a few minutes ago. Toddlers who are running, screaming, and basically tornado-ing through the house like they've been fed some child-to-monster morphing drug. That is my life.Day in, day out, it is me and my girls waiting for Daddy to be home from work, while we try to survive each other. Is it normal? Who the heck knows. Do I care? Not particularly. There are certain kinds of mom classifications that are given out to mothers everywhere. I'm not sure I fit into any of them. I'm only a "Hover-Mom" on a crowded playground, a "Cleaning Mom" when I'm pregnant and past Month 7, and a "Crafty Mom" when it's January and we've been inside for 3 months straight. I used to work, now I don't. I'm onto my second stint as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and expecting baby number 3. I'm hoping for a boy, knowing I'll get another girl, and I've had morning sickness that actually translates into "All-day-whenever-it-feels-like-appearing" sickness.

So. I should probably be cleaning right now. My sink is half full and my counters are cluttered. It doesn't seem to matter how many time I sweep my floors, my spawn have a way of messing it up in mere seconds. My cat has probably spilled her water bowl AGAIN, and my computer desk is a general, sticky mess. Maybe all this writing about it will inspire me to get up and do something about it. Or maybe it won't.I might start thinking about food instead. I do that a lot lately. I think about food, and dream about grocery shopping. That is one thing I live for as a SAHM. The Grocery Shopping. There's a game I like to play when I am planning my grocery list. How much food can I get for the lowest price without ever clipping a coupon. I hate coupons. Despise them with a fiery passion. Paper cuts, newspaper hands, and blisters from tiny scissors you bought for your kid, and now are the only pair you own. It's mundane, ridiculous, and way too time consuming for someone who spends all her time considering cleaning the house! So instead, I do research. New recipes, new ingredients, and lots of weekly sale ads. I'm not going to lie. For all my abhorrence for being productive the rest of the time, I might go to three different grocery stores if it means less money spent. Being on a strict one income budget will do that to a person.
So here's my dilemma of late. After the grocery shopping is done, I have to have the energy and low nausea level that enables me to actually COOK all the yummy food I have bought. I am going to have to do more research to find recipes that are quick, easy, and HEALTHY!