It's official friends. I have lost all control over my household.
Having three children is overwhelming in a way I did not anticipate. Now this could be because someone around here always needs something. Always. There is always a diaper to be changed, or a pee puddle to clean up, a puzzle piece to be found. My children are equally demanding in very different ways.
Ever since the birth of Monster D, Monster S has decided she is particularly needy for attention. Any attention, she's not picky. So my oldest monster is certainly adjusting her behavior in any way necessary to get said attention. She is jumping off couches, she is climbing up the fridge doors, she is perching atop counters sitting there oh so coyly, waiting for someone to notice that she is doing something she ought not be doing. When she is not misbehaving, she is just plain BEHAVING. She is the most reliable little creature you will ever find. She throws away diapers, she helps with the dishes and cooking dinner, she wants to fold the laundry For You, and heaven help, I sometimes let her. She is sweet and gentle when she is not loud and obnoxious. She Is Exhausting.
My sweet Monster L is the epitome of middle child syndrome. She is sneaky, she is devilish, yet she is quiet and unassuming. You would never guess that the calm and content little girl sitting at the coffee table playing with her ponies is actually Satan reincarnate. She has developed the habits that all sneaky children eventually learn. She is grabby, but only when an adult is not looking. She is aggressive, but only when it is unwarranted. She is the perfect little terror who plays the victim all too well. I know the type, my sister was one of them. The "sweet baby sister" who mimics Every Single Thing big sister does, if only to annoy the bloody piss out of them. It works, trust me. Even at 3, Monster L has decided it is her mission in life to 1) Annoy Monster S. 2) Get her sister in trouble, and lots of it. 3) Single-handedly become the most whiny, crying-est little creature you have ever encountered. When she is not deceiving you by playing quietly by herself disturbing no one that is.
That leaves us with Monster D. A true monster, because he is not to blame for any of his spoiled rotten tendencies. He is in love with his Mama, and has mastered the art of attention hog. While sitting on my lap propped up facing me, this devilish little man Must Have Mommy's Attention, or he is not happy. I could be holding my phone playing a game, or God forbid, checking Facebook, and he will start wailing. Until I set my phone down and talk to him. Then he is smiling and cooing like he was never upset to begin with. Despite his needy tendencies, he is always willing to snuggle with me, and is the only one of my children who will settle down for me and not Husband. While this can be frustrating when all I want is a break at the end of the day, it is a gratifying feeling that Finally, At Long Last, one of my Monsters likes me more. This could be because I am his source of food and he knows it, but I'd like to think that he is just a Mama's boy at heart.
So here I sit, pondering why I can't seem to get the laundry done, and why, despite being picked up yesterday, my floor yet again looks like the toy box took a massive dump right on top of it. Did I mention we are also in the throes of potty training a child (Monster L) who likes to leave surprise puddles? You haven't truly experienced parenthood until you have unknowingly stepped into a puddle of pee while your child sits by laughing as you dance through the air, willing your disgusting foot to be dismembered from your very body. I find myself becoming disillusioned that it can all be done effectively. Who has time for scrubbing the floors, and catching up on laundry, and cleaning the Monsters' rooms? Without unlimited funds, who can make their storage areas look cute and endearing while also remaining efficient? Do housewives everywhere actually find themselves able to take a shower, clean the kitchen AND have dinner on the table in a timely manner? Where can I learn this witchcraft? Do I have to sell my soul to the devil just to get things done?
And why, after all these years has Someone, Somewhere not invented that house from the old 1999 Disney Channel original movie, Smart House?
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