App addiction!

Ok friends. We're trying something new today. A.k.a the Blogger app. Now I've never used the Blogger app, or, well any apps for that matter. But today I decided to download two new ones(no, I did not Install candy crush.) One being the Blogger and the second is a camera app.
It. Is. Amazeballs. The camera app that is. I'll let you know how this one goes. I will be the first to admit (I'm actually ashamed to do so) that I like it best for its filter features that hide all those pesky things called imperfections.  Now, my heart will always belong to my D-SLR but since I don't have the upper arm strength to hold that bad boy up for a selfie, this will have to do. And yes, I did just say "selfie". What can I say? I am a pop culture follower just like the rest of you.
I'm also startr to feel more confident "post-baby" so I have no problem.sharing these pictures with you. Hell, they make me look way prettier than I actually am AND I can pretend this post is an advertising scheme for the app, while showing off my big baby blues. And yes, my eyes are that pretty. I'm not cocky per say, they are just the only part of me I truly love.
Guess I should tell you the name of the app huh? It's called Cymera, for those of you who will become devoted to it's delightful-ness.

P.s. the Blogger app is pretty good. 

The Evolution of the Thoughts in My Brain

So I was on the phone with my sister in law (aka the only friend I actually have and talk to every day), and I kept saying over and over, "B, I just can't take it. I can't take my children crying for one more second or I might physically pull every last strand of my own hair out. JUST so I can do something fun!" and she was right there with me. Except, her kids were already off to school so in reality, what she couldn't take was listening to her dog whine. Hey, same thing right? Kids, dogs, they both have to be trained, and most of the time neither one actually shuts up. So here we were both ready to inflict torture upon ourselves just so we knew we hadn't died of bleeding ears, and I thought to myself, "I could make a blog post out of this." If you saw my previous post, you might have also seen my idea list. A few that were birthed out of the lustful desire for peace and quiet were as follows:

What to do When Your Child Won't Stop Throwing Fits- Now as much as I would love to write all about this, that post would be more along the lines of "Hey if anyone knows how the hell to shut my kids up, let me know!". So I decided now Might Not be the time for that particular post. I'd rather it be a little more verbose.

If I Had Free Time-Let's face it, I can sum this one up in one word. Sleep. Because I have demon children. Monsters who really do belong to Husband and I, because 1)They hardly sleep (Husband's trait) and 2) When they are awake they won't shut up (Mine). So if I could do just one thing with my free time, it would be sleep. If you put a gun to my head and said I had to make a whole list, it would turn into another blog post, and you can find it HERE.

How to Tell You Need a Break- This one sounds like it's going to involve listing off qualities of just about every parent in the world. That might take awhile. Or maybe not. We'll see if I ever get a break to actually sit down and write it out.

How to Keep a Bitch-fest From Going Wrong- Now see, at first this one started off with "Maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much about how my kids aren't listening" because then it might start to sound like I don't like my job of mothering my lovely little angels. But then, I saw this post going a different way. Because while Bitch-fests usually start off with one subject, they always lead to dangerous territory-Husbands (or significant others, for those of you still in the dating or not married stages).  Now THAT is a post I am going to write, because nothing grates my cheese more than Husband/SO Bashing. This could be because the man I married is damn near perfect, or it could just be because I hate disrespectful women. What's worse is that other women encourage it or instigate it. Which led me to:

10 Things Not to Say About a Friend's Significant Other

                                   AND

Why Women Don't Make Good Friends.

I don't think I really need to elaborate more on these right now, or I'll ruin the juicy anticipation of posts to come. 

So you see how my brain works? I start off thinking about posts about my children, and then I'm thinking about why women sucks sometimes, and then I'm thinking about my perfect husband, and then I'm thinking "Screw this, I'm gonna go call my man instead of writing all this crazy stuff."

If I Had Free Time- A List.

If I had free time (let's face it I'm a mother, so this is something I usually only dream about) I would mostly just want to sleep. I never feel like I get enough and I usually want more than what I get. But I realized that sleep couldn't consume every moment of free time (if I had any) because there are a lot of things I would do if I didn't have my children with me all the time.

1)Get a manicure. Ok, this is cliche I know. However, I cannot even remember the last time I had my nails done, and they actually stayed pretty for more than 30 minutes. So I would like, just once, to get a manicure that lasts. Does such a thing exist? Probably not, but a girl can dream.

2) Read a book, WITHOUT being interrupted. Two nights ago I started reading a book that I bought recently, and I was ready to read. I wanted to finish a good book full through because I hadn't done that in awhile. So after then kids went to bed, and Husband was winding down doing whatever it is he does to relax (YouTube, Xbox, whatever), I picked up my book and started to read. Now, I was only reading for about ten minutes before I fell asleep so obviously sleep was more necessary. But the next day, I just wanted to keep reading. Without hearing "Maaaaaaaaama, come wipe my buuu-uuuuutt" and "I hungwee, and I tersty". Without having to put it down to feed a baby. Without re-reading the same paragraph five freaking times before I actually knew what it said. One day. Maybe when all my kids are in school full time.

3) Eat a whole meal. Not reheated leftovers, not rolled up sandwich meat, not scraps off my kids' plates. I would eat a three course (salad, dinner, dessert) meal without being interrupted, or having to refill someone else's plate. Without having to get up and grab a towel because someone spilled milk/juice/water across the table and my food. And I would eat steak. Or ribs. Or something that is not chicken nuggets, or pizza, or mac'n'cheese. 

4) Catch up on all the laundry. Now, I am not sure if this counts as a "free time" activity, but I would love to be able to go to a laundry mat and just get all my laundry done, with no kids to mess up my folded piles, or pull shirts off of hangers, or to insist that they have to "help" mommy. Really. Laundry sounds soothing when there's no kids involved.

5) Take a two hour long bubble bath. Really. A bubble bath without little knocks on the doors, and "I have to go potty"s sounds awesome. Maybe I can try that when I actually get to finish a book full through. 

6) Listen to MY music. I have a thing about my music. I don't mind the unedited songs, as long as my kids aren't around. And I might have to admit to you that I love the song "Porn Star Dancing" but again, it's not really child friendly. I want to be able to drive around in Husband's car blasting all my favorite adult only songs, jamming and singing at the top of my lungs. It's a secret pleasure of mine, and I never get to indulge in it. I can't very well have my kids singing "Animals" by Nickelback, even if they don't know what it means. 

7) Watch t.v. For the love of all thing holy, I want to watch a movie without hitting pause. I don't think I really need to elaborate on that one.

8) Go shopping. Have you ever gone shopping with 3 kids, 5 and under by yourself in a department store? It doesn't freaking work. Let me just tell you right now, it is not worth it, it will never be worth it, and you can't make me do it. Which means I miss out on a lot of leisurely shopping. Give me a day, a couple hundred dollars, and no kids, and I bet I'd come home a whole new woman. (No really, I'd probably come home looking different so that the kids wouldn't recognize me...)

9) Have a date with my hubby. I mean really. I cannot remember the last time I was by myself with Husband. Because even if we don't have the girls, we surely have the boy. Never fails. Actually, it doesn't seem like there is much of an end in sight with that one. Le sigh.

10) Catch up on my gossip. I would read trashy magazines, talk to my mommy friends, find out the latest about what is going on in the world around me. Because I haven't done that in who knows how long. I need a bitch fest.

And this concludes the list of what I would do if I had free time. Which I don't, so really, this is a list of my top ten time wasting fantasies.

Why I suck at blogging.

Friends, I must admit to you that I have been lying to you. I am never going to keep up with this blog the way that I want to, no matter how many times I tell you "I'm back, this time for real!". It's just not accurate anymore. Because no matter how hard I try, every time I sit at this desk and think "This is it, now I'm feeling it.", something interrupts me (*cough* my obnoxious children *cough*) or I get distracted by something that needs to be cleaned (i.e. the fingerprint smudges on the window in front of me, Dear God when did I last wipe that thing down???) or I sit and stare at my screen trying to think of something witty and clever to write, and instead it ends up being a freaking novel about everything going on in my life. Which, is, after all, pretty awesome because Hello, it's my life. But there are only so many times I can begin my dive back into writing with updates about what my Monsters are doing these days. Let's face it, real talk, I cannot focus on anything other than what my kids are doing 24/7. 

The list that shall never be.

Which has led me to a fairly depressing realization. I do not exist outside of my children, outside of my motherly duties. I don't remember if I am actually a productive member of society, or if I'm just faking it so you'll think there's something deeper and more meaningful about me than the stain on my shirt caused by the baby throwing his spoon at me. I'm here to tell you, there isn't much else to me. I cook (sometimes), I clean (or try to), and I haul my children around from activity to activity (read, drag them with me while I run errands). 

I made of list of ideas for blog posts. What can I write about that is inspiring and thought provoking? Here's my list:

Doesn't it look great? It looks like I was on a roll with ideas and everything. Well, here's the reality of it. That list is going to sit there, and probably never turn into anything. You know what my problem is? I want to write all of these posts right this second and then publish them all for you to read right now. But then what will I do next week when I'm staring out my grubby window, watching a squirrel jumping around my yard instead of writing?

Perhaps I'll be able to resist the temptation of multiple post publishing, and I can do it in intervals. But then I'd still feel like a liar, because you might think I'm devoting more time to this than I am. Or that I've somehow got my groove back, when in reality I just don't feel like cleaning today and I'm procrastinating by writing. 

We shall see friends. Be on the look out, maybe I might have some follow through today. Be warned though, if my writing is anything like my parenting, I suck at follow through. Ask my 3 year old who is watching yet another Elmo movie, because Mommy didn't want to listen to her throw a fit after I said no 5 times.